Odd Times in Konoha
by DynamicKayos
Summary: What do you get when you cross a bored psyco, Naruto, and enough plot lines to open a book store? Read and find out! Mucho crack, lime, and potential spoilers.
1. The chaos begins!

DC: Okay, after my recent attempts at righting a somewhat serious story, I've decide I suck at it. From here on out, I'll only right funny/crack/retarded stories. Including this one!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DC: Oh, wait. I don't own Naruto in anyway, shape, or form. I'm kind of a noob so please excuse my lack of perfect Naruto knowledge. Okay, proceed.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Team 7 was sitting on a hill eating lunch.

"Isn't today just great?" asked Sasuke with a smile on his face. But neither Sakura nor Naruto were listening.

"Your eyes are so beautiful," whispered Naruto.

"Yours are too," said Sakura. Never before had two people had such a bond as them. On an impulse, Naruto kissed Sakura. She was startled, but then returned the kiss. They sat, two lovers looking into the sunset.

Well, maybe in a different fanfiction, but not this one!

"Naruto, stop fantasizing about me and you making out on a hill!" exclaimed Sakura. Naruto snapped out of his dream. In 'reality', Team 7 was sitting in their (aka Naruto's) favorite ramen shop.

"Ugh, onion ramen always makes me daydream," muttered Naruto as he proceeded to eat. Unbeknownst to them, they were being watched…

"Day 103," muttered Hinata, scribbling in a notebook, "Naruto and team come to ramen shop. Naruto orders onion ramen. Still lack courage to approach." Hinata sighed. Stalking Naruto and writing down his every action seemed like a good idea in the beginning, but it only made her feel worse. "I wish there was someway I could get him to notice me," mused Hinata. Suddenly, Kakashi appeared behind her. Hinata whirled around.

"Kakashi-sensei!" exclaimed Hinata, "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for a quiet place to read my book," replied the jounin, "What are you doing here?"

"Stalking Naruto!" said Hinata happily. Kakashi shook his head.

"If you want him that badly, just go talk to him."

"I can't. Whenever I get close to him, I can barely talk. Can you help me?" Kakashi thought for a moment, and then nodded.

"Very well, I need something to do," said Kakashi. He performed a hand-sign.

"Transformation Jutsu!" Suddenly, Kakashi turned into Hinata. "Don't worry; I know what I'm doing." Kakashi ran toward the shop. "Just hide around the corner!" Hinata nodded and did just that.

Naruto, totally oblivious to the scheme and the fact Sakura and Sasuke had left, had just downed his fifth bowl of ramen.

"I could eat here all day!" said the ninja.

"And I could take your money all day!" replied the chef. Suddenly, 'Hinata' walked in.

"Hey, Naruto," she said seductively. Naruto turned to look at her.

"Wow, pardon by obnoxiousness, but you're looking…hot today," said Naruto completely of guard. And she was. Instead of the normal outfit she wore she was wearing a black sleeveless shirt and short shorts.

"That's funny," cooed Hinata, "You are too," Naruto blushed. "Say," continued Hinata, "Want to come to my place later?" Naruto nodded. "Okay, just give me a half hour to…get ready." She licked her lips and left. Naruto stared, then had a nosebleed and fainted.

Kakashi untransformed and went back to Hinata.

"He'll be at your place in half an hour," said Kakashi. Hinata beamed.

"Thank you, Kakashi-sensei. Now I'll have an opportunity to use these." Hinata reached into her pockets and pulled out some handcuffs and a whip.

"Uh…I'll be going now," muttered Kakashi as he vanished. Hinata grinned wickedly as she went home to 'get ready'.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm going to stop now before I have to rate this an M. Next chapter: Itachi returns with a peaceful proposition, Sakura goes goth, and Yu-gi-oh makes a guest star appearance. REVIEW! (and stay tuned…)


	2. More stupid stuff

DC: Odd Times in Kohona was written before a live studio audience.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

It was a beautiful day in Kohona. Sasuke, Shino and Neji were hanging out at the park.

"Hey, have any of you seen Naruto?" asked Sasuke off handedly.

"No…but why do you ask?" replied Neji.

"Well," began Sasuke, "Out of all the Genin/Chunin, he's the comic relief. Since he's not here, nothing funny can possibly happen in this chapter." Neji nodded at this logic.

"…" said Shino.

"That's right, Shino," said Neji, "I haven't seen Hinata either. Maybe they died." Neji smiled at this idea.

"Or maybe," said Sasuke, "Hinata got Kakashi to get Naruto to come to her house where she had a pole and..."

"…!" interupted Shino.

"Shino, we don't need such language," corrected Neji, "And Sasuke, that's the most stupid, fanfiction-like thing I ever heard." Sasuke stood up.

"I know what to do!" exclaimed Sasuke as he ran off in a vague direction.

"…" said Shino.

"You're right," responded Neji, "He may need our help." Shino and Neji ran after Sasuke.

* * *

After running around Kohona five times our 'heroes' arrived at the park again.

"Why did we bother to do that?" asked Neji. Sasuke smiled.

"I don't know," said the Uchiha, "I just do that every three days or so. It breaks the monotony." A figure approached them.

"Hello guys," said the girl with a voice that could end cancer by making Chuck Norris cry. Sasuke spun around and starred, for the first time, at his beloved. She was black haired with teal eyes and was wearing a black and purple striped hoodie-shirt, bondage pants, and a spike collar. She also had on eyeliner and black lipstick.

"Uh…hi," said Sasuke aghast. The girl smiled and approached.

"Aren't you the great Sasuke Uchiha?" she asked. Sasuke nodded.

"…?" asked Shino suspiciously. The girl was taken aback.

"My name?" she asked, "Um… Onurah Arukas," stammered the girl.

"Mmm, Onurah," said Sasuke under his breath.

"What do you want?" asked Neji. Onurah laughed, causing a puppy to die. Sasuke found it intoxicating.

"Oh, I just wanted to know if I could have Sasuke for a bit," Onurah said, smiling. Sasuke leapt up and swept her up in his arms.

"Oh, you can have me for more than 'a little bit'," said Sasuke. They walked away laughing.

"…" said Shino crestfallen.

"I know," said Neji, "Why don't we get any action?"

"…" began Shino.

"No, Hinata doesn't count," interjected Neji, "I swear, an author made me do it!" Neji ran away crying. Shino shrugged and walked away.

* * *

Sasuke and Onurah walked down by the bridge.

"Oh, Onurah," whispered Sasuke, "Until I met you, I thought love was something only preps were capable of, but," he broke off.

"What?" asked Onurah. She leaned closer.

"Uh," said Sasuke, "It's just…"

"Yes?" pressed Onurah, her face an inch away from his.

"I love you," muttered Sasuke lamely. He moved in for the kiss…

"Hello brother," said a man who instantly appeared on the bridge. He had black hair, painted nails, and blood red eyes. He was wearing a black robe-cloak thing with red clouds on it. Sasuke whirled around.

"Good God," he said, "It's Itachi."

"Itachi?" said Onurah, "Isn't he your evil brother?"

"That I am, Sakura" said Itachi, "That I am."

"Wait," said Sasuke, turning to Onurah, "Did he just call you Sakura?"

"Well, duh, Sasuke," reprimanded Itachi, "Any idiot could tell she's a preppy goth poser. I mean, the make-up is applied _too _perfectly and the clothes were obviously bought this morning. That girl is obviously Sakura Haruno trying to lure you out here, inject you with that syringe sticking out of her pocket, drag you into the woods, make a certain 'video', then rub it in the face of Ino and the other fan girls."

"Curses," said Sakura magically rubbing of the make up, "I would have gotten away with it to if it weren't for your meddling brother." Sakura stormed off in a rage.

"Wow," said Sasuke, "You saved me from being date raped by a crazed preppy fan girl. Why?" Itachi smiled.

"Didn't I tell you?" asked Itachi, "I'm acting like a good guy now. I haven't killed anything in the last four days and I have a part-time job at the Sizzler. I even made Employee of the Month after I put out a grease fire with my face."

"Uh…" said Sasuke, "Anyway, how did you know Sakura's plan?" Itachi grinned wickedly.

"Let's just say that idea isn't original," said Itachi, "Well, I have to get to work. Tootles!" Itachi walked off, leaving his younger brother wondering about Itachi's screwed up childhood.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah, I kind of spoiled it last chapter, but no one reads the ending notes anyway. I lied, Yu-gi-oh will _not_ be making an appearence for a while. Next chapter is a Sand Special: Gaara receives divine revelation, Kankuro's puppets go out of control, and Temari struggles to stay sane. REVIEW! (and stay tuned!)


	3. Sand sibling special

DC: Whoo! Sand Sibling Special! Kudos to my favorite Shinobi. Temari, you can do the disclaimer!

Temari: Ok. DynamicChaos does not own Naruto or related characters.

DC: (smiles wickedly) Except you…

Temari: What?

DC: Um…never mind.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

It was a typical day in the house of the Sand Siblings. And by 'typical' I mean 'homicidal'.

"Gaara! Stop stealing my face paint!" roared Kankuro. Gaara laughed giddily and lead him on a chase around the house.

"Evil chortle!" yelled Gaara as Kankuro chased him, crashing into walls, furniture, priceless heirlooms, etc. After about tem minutes of this, Gaara and Kankuro stood panting. At that moment, Gaara realized something.

"Where's Temari?" asked Gaara. Kankuro shrugged.

"Out collecting water or something," replied his brother. As if on cue, Temari walked in holding a large jug of water (or something). She nearly dropped it when she saw what her brothers had done to the house.

"Um, I can explain…" began Kankuro.

"NO YOU CAN'T!!!!" screamed Temari, "I SPENT ALL DAY CLEANING SO I COULD HAVE SHIKAMARU OVER AND YOU TWO DESTROY THE HOUSE!!!"

"But…"

"NO BUTS!!!!" continued Temari, "TO YOUR ROOMS, NOW!!!!!"

"Yes, Temari," grumbled the Sand brothers as they stalked off.

* * *

Gaara walked into his room and flung himself on the bed.

"Stupid Temari and her stupid boyfriend," grumbled Gaara. Suddenly, the room went dark. Gaara stood up, his sand leaping into action. A pillar of light slowly descended. Gaara shielded his eyes and looked up. Above him was a being of pure light.

"**Gaara**!" said the man, "**I am not well pleased with thy trespasses**!"

"Who are you?" asked Gaara.

"**I**,"said the being, "**Am the Lord God!**" Gaara gasped with shock. "**Yes**," continued God, "**And thou have not treated thy sister with the love and compassion she deserveth**."

"I kind of can't," replied Gaara, "Shukaku, the demon inside me, doesn't let me act nice to anyone." God nodded.

"**I know**. **That is why I have prepared a way unto you**." God waved his hand. Suddenly, Gaara felt a joyous peace inside of him.

"Hey, I don't feel like killing anymore!" exclaimed Gaara. He looked up to see God holding a raccoon-like sand creature in his hand.

"**Now thou art no longer cursed with this abomination**," said God. The light gradually dimmed.

"Thank God!" said Gaara under his breath.

"You're welcome," said a voice. Gaara smiled and ran out of his room.

* * *

Kankuro slumped into his room.

"Stupid sister," he muttered. Then a smile lit up his face. "At least I have my puppets." Kankuro walked over to his closet. He opened the door, reached behind his clothes and…

"Where my puppets at?" exclaimed Kankuro. He searched under his bed, behind his chest of drawers, and even in the bathroom.

"What are you doing?" asked Temari.

"I'm looking for my puppets," said Kankuro. Suddenly Gaara appeared behind them.

"Guess what?" he asked ecstatically, "God came down from the heavens and took Sukaku away. I'm going to help pick up this horrid mess I made." Gaara proceeded to skip around cleaning.

"…I'm going to talk to him," said Temari slightly terrified, "You should check the basement."

"We have a basement?" asked Kankuro. Temari pointed to a door with 'BASEMENT' written on it. "You'd think I'd notice that before," muttered Kankuro as he went through the door. Temari approached Gaara warily.

"Um, hi Gaara," said Temari. Gaara turned and looked at her.

"Hi, sister!" exclaimed Gaara, "What do you need?" Temari flinched.

"Uh, what was that thing you said about 'God'?" asked Temari.

"Oh, God came down and took Shukaku away. Now I can feel positive emotions again." With that, he hugged Temari. "You're the best sister ever!" he exclaimed. Temari was shocked. Gaara let go and continued to clean.

* * *

Down, down, down went Kankuro into the basement.

"How many stairs does this basement have?" muttered Kankuro. Suddenly, he heard something.

"Why the heck does it sound like there's a night club down here?" asked Kankuro to no one. He got to the bottom of the stairs and saw a door. He opened it and…

"OMFG!" he exclaimed, "It _is_ a night club!" At least, a night club for marionettes. There was a bar, a lot of tables, a dance floor and a stage. A puppet dressed in a suit strode onto the stage.

"How you all doin' tonight!" it asked the audience. The audience roared in response. "Good," continued the puppet, "And now, for your listening pleasure, I'm proud to present Karasu,Kuroari and Sanshouo with their new hit, 'Puppet'!" The audience cheered. Kankuro stood in awe as his puppets took to the stage. Sanshouo took drums, Kuroari bass, and Karasu played guitar. Karasu counted off and they started playing:

Gonna get this party started

It's all around me,  
And I can't wish this away,  
You so amaze me,  
You took my monster away,

Wake me, c'mon and wake me up now I  
Want to cut off my strings and break,  
Loose of your control of me,  
Cut your strings and be free with me,

Everybody, shake your body,  
Lift your hands, stop frontin',  
You're just a puppet,

To all the marionettes

If your gonna run, how fast ya gonna run?,  
And If your gonna jump, how high can you jump?,  
All you perpetrators be walkin' round frontin',  
What?, you fakers afraid to stand for somethin'? why don't ya stand  
Up n' break me off somethin'?

Ya wanna make it outta sight?,  
Somebody wanna get live tonight?,

We can hit that, flip that, settle the score,  
'n' ain't nobody rock a crowd like this before,  
Ya wanna make it outta sight?,  
Somebody wanna get live tonight?,  
Like an earthquake, let it shake,  
Make the floor vibrate, Krutch y'all,  
Back to set the record straight.

All y'all people, listen, it's on,  
Krutch marauders we on a mission,  
Hittin' ya with the ill ammunition,  
At war with the puppet master,  
I'll bring it on if I had to,  
Rip it 'n' leave the whole scene shattered,  
Like, chik, blaow!, what ya think of me now,  
I'm lettin' my dawgs out,  
Makin' it loud so hear me shout, what?,  
We be comin' laced with bass,  
Hit the place with no trace,  
When we rock the space,

To all the people still sleepin'

If your gonna run, how fast ya gonna run?,  
And If your gonna jump, how high can you jump?,  
All you perpetrators be walkin' round frontin',  
What?, you fakers afraid to stand for somethin'? why don't ya stand  
Up n' break me off somethin'?

"Dot dot dot," said Kankuro as he turned and proceeded to walk up the stairs.

* * *

Upstairs Gaara was happily giving his sister a foot massage while his sand continued to tidy up.

"With Gaara doing all the chores I can finally get some rest," thought Temari.

"Yes you can," said a random guy. Temari quickly stood up, knocking Gaara over.

"Who are you?" questioned Temari unfurling her fan. The man was aghast.

"Wait, you can see me?" he asked confused. He was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black cloak. In his hand was a black palm-pilot which he was typing on.

"Yes, I can," stated Temari.

"Wait!" exclaimed Gaara, "That guy looks just like God only a lot darker and less holy." Temari's eyes flashed angrily.

"I know who you are," she said, "You're an Author!" The man took a bow.

"Yes," said the Author, "DC by name. I must say it is an honor to be in your presence, Ms. Temari." Temari ignored the fattery.

"What do you want?" she said angrily, "_Your_ kind don't usually come down and meddle personally." DC shrugged and continued typing.

"True," he said, "But I personally wanted to gauge your reaction when I gave you my gifts."

"What gifts?" asked Temari. DC smiled.

"Don't you see? 1) I made Gaara the perfect younger brother, 2) I made Kankuro go away for a bit, and 3) I'll pair you up with someone worthy of your awesomeness."

"WTF?" asked Temari, "Me and Shikamaru have something special." DC shook his head.

"Perhaps," said the Author mischievously, "But you must admit he sucks at fighting." Temari nodded. "So, the pairing I have in mind is a lot better." DC cleared his throat and began reading what he had written:

'The man, an obvious traveler, wandered the streets of Suna. Although weather-beaten and fatigued, no one paid him any mind. He continued walking until he arrived at a large house on the edge of the village. He approached the house and knocked, hoping the people inside had something to spare,'

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Don't answer it!" exclaimed Temari, but Gaara did anyway. DC continued reading:

'A boy with red hair answered. "Hello," said the man, "Please, if I may speak to the owner of the house?" The boy nodded and allowed the man inside.'

"Temari, we have a visitor!" exclaimed Gaara. The man who followed him had red eyes and was garbed in a black robe with red clouds on it.

"Temari, meet Itachi Uchiha," said DC, and then he continued:

'The man stood staring. Although he had never met the woman he saw before him, he knew he was in love. "Hello," he said at last, "My name is Itachi Uchiha." The woman approached him. "I am Temari," she said. Itachi nodded. "I am but a weary traveler," continued Itachi, "Do you have a room I could have for the night?" Foolishly, Temari took his hands in hers. "Yes," she whispered. Itachi smiled as they walked down the hall, into a room and locked it.'

DC stopped reading. Now only he and Gaara stood in the room.

"Ah, author power," said DC with a smile, "Got to love it." Suddenly, the basement door bust open and Kankuro walked in.

"Could someone explain who a puppet night club got in our basement?" he asked. Then he noticed DC.

"Oh God, an Author," said Kankuro annoyed, "What do you want?" DC laughed, causing the puppy that died in Konoha to come back alive and die again.

"Oh, my work here is done, Kankuro," said DC as he turned to leave.

"Wait," said Gaara, "Does that mean Shukaku is gone?" DC turned and looked at him. He snapped his fingers.

"No," said DC as Gaara got a homicidal look in his eye.

"…Kill…"

"That's the Gaara we all know and love," laughed DC.

"But what about that night-club?" asked Kankuro. DC shrugged.

"They're not my puppets," said the Author as he turned into a salami and flew away.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Wow, long chapter. Anyway, time to give credit where it's due. The song 'Puppet' was written and performed to Thousand Foot Krutch. I would like to thank KalliopeStarmist for the story 'Fairy Godmother Shukaku' which inspired this chapter and SnowDragon for making the 'Ultimate Naruto FanFlashes', which are on 


	4. DC Saga pt1

DC: Greetings, all! If you are wondering if I am going to continue making self-cameo appearances, then yes I am. If you don't like it, give me ideas. Ok, on with the story!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Back in Konoha, Jiraiya was spending his Saturdays like he usually did i.e., checking out women.

"Giggle, giggle," muttered Jiraiya from behind the woman's bathhouse, "Time for some Saturday Delight." Suddenly, something caught his eye. No, not a female. It was a peculiar looking device lying on the ground. Jiraiya forfeited his 'special spot' and went to pick it up. It was smaller than a book, made of metal, and had a glass square in the front. Jiraiya was about to throw it away when he noticed something written on the back. He read it slowly, a smile growing on his face. "This could be fun," thought the sage as he pocketed the device and went back to what he was doing.

* * *

A far bit away from where Jiraiya was, a salami fell to the ground. Suddenly, it morphed into a kitsune, then a bat, then Johnny Depp, then finally into a man dressed in all black.

"Ah, it's good to be in Konoha!" he exclaimed. He reached into his pocket. There was nothing there. Startled, he checked the other one. Nothing. The man howled in rage and marched into the city.

* * *

Jiraiya was feeling on top of the world. He had finally established what this device was he now carried and that it belonged to one of the most powerful people in the Universe.

"An Author's palm-pilot," he muttered to himself. He had heard rumors about these mystical God-like beings, but now he had evidence of their existence. "Now, if I only knew how this works," muttered the sage. Examining it, he noticed a button that said 'Power'. Suspiciously, he pressed it. The screen flashed white, then blue.

"Welcome, DynamicChaos," said a voice that sounded suspiciously like Temari's. The screen read 'Current World: Naruto', 'Current Story: Odd Times in Konoha', 'Current Chapter: Four'. Beneath this were 'Record', 'Freewrite', and 'Control'. Jiraiya cautiously tapped 'Control'. The screen changed to a blank document and a keyboard unfurled. Jiraiya grinned.

"So this is how they control what happens," thought Jiraiya, "Better test it." He typed:

'Suddenly, a tap dancing panda appeared'.

Nothing happened. He tried:

'Kakashi, after having to put up with Naruto, snapped and started singing 'I Feel Pretty'.

No Kakashi. No singing. Jiraiya shrugged and turned it off. The screen went black as he put it in his pocket.

"I'll simply seek this Author out," he said as he walked toward town.

* * *

"It appears someone found my FicText," muttered DC. Even though he still retained his ability to be unseen by Characters, it really wouldn't have mattered. They were all too busy staring at the tap dancing panda and Kakashi singing. DC sighed. "I have to find the baka who found it," muttered the Author. Fortunately, he saw some guy who had the aurora of his FicText. Unfortunately, he knew who it was.

"Jiraiya," said DC flatly as he strode up to him, phasing through people in his wake. Jiraiya looked up.

"Well, well, well," said Jiraiya, "The Author appeareth." DC stopped in his tracks.

"How can you freakin' see me?" asked DC. Jiraiya smiled.

"I have what you seek," said the sage, "But first, I ask a favor."

"A.k.a. blackmail me," muttered DC. Jiraiya nodded.

"Yes. I ask that you teach me the ways of the Author!" DC staggered back.

"WHAT!?!" asked DC, "YOU DARE TRY TO COMMAND AN AUTHOR, THE GREATEST OF BEINGS!?!" DC's eyes flashed red. Heavy clouds rolled in, turning the sky into a vision of Hell. Jiraiya staggered as the winds whipped savagely.

"Um…yes," he muttered sheepishly.

"O.K." said DC casually as everything returned to normal, "Just seeing if you were ready." DC grabbed Jiraiya's arm. "To Team 7's training field!"

* * *

Jiraiya and DC stood in the training field.

"So, what do you know of Authors?" asked DC. Jiraiya shrugged.

"Barely anything," he admitted. DC smiled.

"Very well," he said. Suddenly, a diagram appeared like in the T.V. episodes. It showed three circles labeled, from bottom to top, as 'Characters', 'Authors', 'Others'.

"O.K., so here's how thing work," began DC, "Authors, me, have power to control the world of Characters, you, through powers bestowed upon us by Others. Others determine the power of an Author by reviewing on the acts of that Author. Unfortunately, Characters have no power over the actions of Authors or Others."

DC smiled wickedly. Jiraiya cringed. "Moving on," continued DC. The diagram changed into a picture of someone that looked just like DC.

"This is what a typical Author looks like in the Character's world," explained DC, "The common clothing is all black, but can be modified to fit an Author's wants. All Authors carry a device called a FicText. A Fictext can be anything that can write/type."

The diagram changed to a picture of DC's palm-pilot.

"A FicText can do three different things: Control, Record, or Rewrite. Control, as you discovered, gives the Author power over the world they are in. I always keep mine on Control. Record allows the FicText to constantly record the actions of Characters. This is good for stories that are formal and not really funny. Freeewrite allows an author to write something without it happening to see if it makes sense. It's good for those who have a bad memory for ideas."

The diagram changed into four pictures: a cotton ball, a lime, a lemon, and a pile of white powder.

"Being a writer yourself, I assume you know the different genres of literature?" Jiraiya nodded. "Good. So now I'll introduce you to the different categories. The first three are romance and the fourth may or may not be. The first category is Fluff. Fluff stories are usually rated G or PG and involve minor innuendos and 'appropriate' displays of affection. The second, Lime, is rated PG to R and involves references of sexual activity that isn't actually written. It also includes stronger innuendos and boarder line appropriate displays." DC's voice grew solemn.

"Then there is Lemon, which you are probably more familiar with than you know. Lemon stories are rated R to XXX and pretty much skip innuendos all together. For the sake of the younger Others /Authors reading this, I'll write out an example for you." DC took his palm-pilot back from Jiraiya, turned it on, typed something, and handed it back to him. Jiraiya took it and read what was on it.

"O.K., 'Shikamaru and Ino were alone,' got it, 'Shikamaru then found he could not look away,' um, 'Shikamaru lunged at Ino and…'" Jiraiya's jaw dropped. He finished and handed it back. DC shook his head.

"Yes my friend, thus are the evils of Lemon." Jiraiya shook his head.

"It's not that," explained the sage, "It's the fact you wrote it in your palm-pilot which was set on 'Control'." DC stopped and stared at Jiraiya.

"What?" whispered the terrified DC. Suddenly, Ino ran through the training field (and DC), trying to pull her clothes back on.

"I thought you had respect for women," screamed Ino over her shoulder, "Or at least the law." Shikamaru ran after her.

"I'm sorry!" answered Shikamaru, "I don't know what came over me." The two 'friends' disappeared into the woods. DC stood gaping after them.

"Oh…my…God…" whispered DC after a while, "What kind of monster am I. She was so pure too…" Jiraiya walked over and put his hand on DC's shoulder.

"Well, at least it was humorous," said Jiraiya suppressing a grin. Suddenly DC burst out maniacally laughing.

"Heck yeah it was!" he shouted with delight, "And Jiraiya, that display of total cold-hearted carelessness at the fact Ino and Shikamaru have been scarred for life has told me you are worthy of Author status." DC magically made a palm-pilot appear out of thin air and handed it to Jiraiya.

"So does this mean I can use this to get as many ladies as I want?" asked Jiraiya with a perverted grin. DC shook his head.

"I forgot to mention," said DC, "There can only be one Author per story. Sorry." Instantly Jiraiya's palm-pilot burst into scrambled eggs.

"If that was the case," said Jiraiya angrily, "Then why did I have to sit through that speech of yours?" DC looked at him and smiled.

"Jiraiya, welcome to the wonderful world of filler."

"NO!!!!!!" exclaimed Jiraiya as DC flew away in salami form.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah, the first filler chapter. Don't hate me! Next time: DC gets an unwanted visitor that threatens the fate of Fanfictions as we know them. REVIEW!!!! (and stay tuned…).


	5. DC Saga pt2 or OMG, a Plot!

DC: Lo, 'tis a plot on the horizon! Let us press onward!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DC woke up in his bedroom. As you can guess, it was all black.

"Ah, it is a good day to be an Author!" DC exclaimed to no one. He got up, got dressed, and immediately went to his computer.

"For the benefit of those happening to be reading this," began DC, "My computer is pretty much my palm-pilot for when I'm not in a story." He opened the file named 'Odd Times in Konoha'.

"Let's see what those ninja are up to," thought DC as he read what his FicText recorded:

* * *

It was a beautifully sunny day in Konoha. Sasuke walked down the street with a big smile on his face.

"I wonder how my buddy Naruto is doing," thought Sasuke as he walked off towards Naruto's house. When he got there, he went up and rang the bell. Naruto answered.

"Hey Sasuke!" exclaimed Naruto as he gave him a non-gay hug. Sasuke hugged back.

"So, what do you want to do today?" asked the Uchiha. But before Naruto could answer, Hinata ran up.

"Hello, Naruto," whispered Hinata. Naruto nodded.

"Hello. I would hug you, but that maybe inappropriate for our younger fans," said Naruto. Hinata nodded.

"I understand. Would you like to take a non-date walk with me?" Naruto nodded.

"I can come to," interjected Sasuke, "That way no one can make any implications about you two."

"Good idea," Hinata said as the trio began their walk.

* * *

DC was aghast.

"Wait, where be the whip and chains?" he asked himself. He scrolled down a bit and continued reading:

* * *

Team 7 was at their training field.

"Hey Naruto," said Sakura, "I've been working on a new technique. Could I try it on you?" Naruto shook his head.

"Come now Sakura," began Naruto, "Even though we're ninja's who went to school for X-number of years to learn the art of killing, violence is a bad thing and should be avoided." Suddenly, Shino ran up to them.

"…" said Shino hurriedly. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke gasped.

"What!" exclaimed Sasuke, "That meanie Orochimaru is up to no good again? We must stop him!" The ninja ran toward the center of the village.

* * *

"Finally, a fight scene I suck at writing myself!" exclaimed DC as he read ahead:

* * *

Team 7 plus Shino arrived at the center of the village to find Orochimaru.

"Orochimaru, up to your old tricks again," said Sasuke. Orochimaru turned to look at them.

"Yes," he hissed, "I'm going to steal the Hokage's cookies!" The ninja gasped.

"Not the cookies the Hokage makes with his secret recipe!" exclaimed Sasuke.

"We'll defeat you…with the power of song!" Suddenly, The friends transformed into an anime form of The Naked Brothers Band. Sasuke played drums, Sakura bass, Shino keyboard, and Naruto lead guitar and singer. They started playing:

Crazy Car,  
To lead me no where,  
Lead me no where,  
Actually,  
It's made for there,  
Made for there

I have never seen you cry,  
But why now baby, why oh why?  
Take my hand and be my woman,  
Just for a day.

Crazy Car,  
To lead me no where,  
Lead me no where.  
Actually,  
It's made for there,  
Made for there.

Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car

Breaks my heart to see you sad,  
I have never felt this bad.  
Take my hand and be my woman,  
Just for a day.

Crazy Car,  
To lead me no where,  
Lead me no where.  
Actually,  
It's made for there,  
Made for there.

Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car

Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car  
Cra-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-zy Car

The last note died away. Orochimaru stood, tears in his eyes.

"That song has taught me a valuable lesson," said Orochimaru, "I'm going to be good!"

"Yeah!" exclaimed the Genin as they gave him a group hug.

* * *

DC was speechless.

"What in the nine circles of Hell happened to this story!?" he howled. He stood up and paced…and paced…and paced…

"No," he said suddenly, "But it must be." Quickly, he grabbed his cloak and palm-pilot and ran out the door.

* * *

After 10 minutes off screen, DC arrived at the lair of his most feared nemeses. Slowly, he turned the doorknob and entered. He stumbled into a large open room. Around its perimeter were seven throne-like chairs, each occupied by a person wearing a big black coat-robe.

"Ah, Kirby, Monkey de Loofy, Sonic, Yasmin, Leonardo, Hudson Horstachio, and Yami," said DC with distaste, "Or should I say…Organization IVKids!" Yami, the leader, stood up.

"I presume you are another Naruto fanfic Author who just found out about our modifications."

"Dang right I am!" exclaimed DC, "What right do you have to interfere with the interfering of an Author?" The Organization laughed.

"Don't you know?" asked Yami, "We now own Naruto!"

"NNNNOOOOOOOO!!!" roared DC, "You've destroyed One Piece and Yu-Gi-Oh!, made a mockery of Sonic and Kirby, gave the worst line of toys their own show, and developed a retarded program about retarded party entertainment devices!" DC paused, then began again more calmly.

"For years," he continued, "We Authors have been using the Naruto world as an outlet for our humor. Pairings, Lemons, OOC, you name it. And I, DynamicChaos the First, will not let a group of hack storyline characters who need better writers take that away. YAMI!" he pointed dramatically, "As leader, I challenge you to a duel for the rights of Naruto!" The room grew quiet.

"Very well," sighed Yami, "But we shall play on my terms." Yami stretched out his hand toward DC. Suddenly, DC's palm-pilot started shaking violently. Before DC could react, the palm-pilot shattered, sending DC sprawling backwards. The Organization laughed. DC slowly stood up. "Now that I've evened the playing field…" Yami snapped his fingers, causing a duel platform from the T.V. show to appear. "IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!!!" DC and Yami approached the duel field. DC slowly smiled as he pulled a deck of Duel Monster Cards out of the folds in his cloak.

"Indeed it his," whispered the Author, "Indeed it is."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Ooh, a cliff-hanger. Sigh, time to give credit where it's due. The Naked Brothers band is an actual band of 8 to 12 year olds that have affiliations with Nickelodeon. Kirby and Hudson Horstachio actually belong to 4Kids (gasp, they made something original?); Yami, Monkey de Loofy (Sorry if I spelled it wrong), Yasmin, Leonardo, and Sonic belong to their respective creators/owners. Oh, and if anyone got the subtle Kingdom Hearts reference(s), cookies for you! Next chapter: The ultimate showdown begins! By the way, I wrote this song parody. If you don't feel like reviewing on this chapter, than review on this instead:

Emo Girl (to the tune of 'Barbie Girl')

I'm an emo girl

In a preppy world,

I'm filled with self-hate

And am irrate.

You can slit my wrist

Or give my neck a twist.

Imagination

Death is your creation!

…Yeah. I have no life.


	6. DC Saga pt3 or The Ultimate Showdown

DC: After reading tomboy14's review, I would like to formally apologize to any of our 'emo' readers. I was not aware that my song would hurt the feelings of anyone. Now that that's out of the way, we can move on with the story!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Previously on Odd Times in Konoha…

Ino: Naruto, I think I'm pregnant, and Kakashi's the father!

---

Rock Lee: Gaara! Don't leave me.

Gaara: I'm sorry, it's over… Sand Crush!

---

Ino: Naruto, I think I'm pregnant, and Akamaru's the father!

---

Yami: It's time to D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!

---

Ino: Naruto, I think I'm pregnant, and Shikamaru's the-

Naruto: You're freakin' kidding me!

Ino: Yeah. I made that last one up.

---

Naruto: Hinata, I think I'm pregnant, and you're the father!

---

And now for the next chap…wait, did any of that stuff actually happen?

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yami and DC (LP: 5,000) stood at the duel field. DC's cloak fluttered in the wind.

"Did someone leave a window open?" DC thought to himself, "No matter. I must defeat him if I want to move on to another plot point for this story."

"I shall go first," stated Yami. He drew seven cards. "And I'll start by laying one monster card face down." A giant holographic card appeared. DC nodded.

"Very well," he said, drawing his cards, "I'll lay down a card and summon Sakura Haruno (Attack: 500, Defense: 600) in attack mode." A card and Sakura appeared.

"What am I doing here?" she asked angrily.

"Well, for one thing, only your hologram is here," started DC, "And for another, I'm using you to win back Naruto from the hands of Organization IVKids!" Sakura just shrugged.

"Now it's my turn," began Yami, "I'll reveal the monster I placed." The card flipped over and Yugi (Attack: 700, Defense: 300) appeared. "By flipping him over, I get to draw 2 cards from my deck." Yami did so. "Now, destroy his Sakura!" Yugi rushed forward.

"You've activated my trap card!" exclaimed DC, "Behold: 'Pedophile of Snake'." DC's card flipped to reveal Orochimaru. "This card destroys an attacking monster that resembles someone under the age of 15. And that monster is Yugi!"

"No!" exclaimed Yami. Orochimaru grabbed Yugi and drug him away into the shadows. "You sick, sick man," insulted Yami. DC nodded.

"Pretty much. Now it's my turn." DC drew a card and smirked. "I'll sacrifice Sakura and summon Haku!" Sakura vanished and Haku (Attack: 1,500 Defense: 1,400) appeared. "Now," continued DC, "I'll play the 'Crystal Ice Mirrors' spell card." Suddenly, Haku performed the Crystal Ice Mirror jutsu. The field became surrounded in a house of ice mirrors. Haku's image appeared in each one. "This card gives Haku 700 attack and defense points, plus makes him invincible to enemy attacks. And I'll play a card face down." Yami grunted.

"I'll have to take out that card," thought Yami. "Oh, well," he said aloud, "I'll summon Master Splinter (Attack: 1,000 Defense: 2,000) in defense mode. Splinter appeared and raised his cane defensively. "And lay a card face down." DC nodded.

"A wise move," said DC, "I'll lay a monster card face down." A card appeared. "Now Haku, attack Splinter!"

"Not so fast," said Yami triumphantly, "I'll activate my face down card 'Warp Star'. It allows me to special summon Kirby (Attack: 300 Defense: 100) to the field…" The cute puffball we all know and love appeared. DC scoffed.

"Oh, no. Kirby. What shall I do?" said DC mockingly.

"..And activate his effect." Kirby performed his swallow power, sucking in Haku and the mirrors. Suddenly, Kirby transformed into Haku Kirby and used the Crystal Ice Mirrors.

"HTF did he do that?!?" exclaimed DC. Yami smiled.

"Kirby's effect allows me to destroy your attacking creature and give its attack, defense and spell cards to Kirby. Now he shall attack!" Haku Kirby attack DC dealing 1,200 damage (LP: 3,800). The Kirbys leaped back into the mirrors. DC shook his head.

"Great, Haku's died twice now," muttered DC, "Well, it's my turn. I'll flip over my monster card to reveal Tenten (Attack: 800 Defense: 500)." Tenten appeared.

"Yeah, screen time!" she squealed.

"Now I'll sacrifice Tenten to summon Temari (Attack: 2,500 Defense: 2,500)."

"Oh poopy," muttered Tenten as Temari took her place. "Summoning Temari allows me to destroy a spell card on the field. Temari, destroy the 'Crystal Ice Mirror' card!" Temari performed Wind Scythe, destroying the card. The mirrors shattered leaving Kirby exposed. "Temari can also attack all your monsters at a time. So now destroy them!" Temari did Wind Scythe, sending Yami's monsters to the graveyard.

"Fudge nuggets," muttered Yami as he lost 2,000 LP (LP: 3,000). DC giggled with mirth.

"That's my girl, Temari." Temari turned and glared.

"OK," she began, "Call me your girl again and I'll personally Wind Scythe you to Kingdom Come!" DC didn't blink.

"Temari, if you kill me, IVKids will make it so you and Itachi can never… you know…again." Temari gasped.

"Fine." She turned around again.

"My turn," called Yami. He drew a card. "I'll place one card face down and summon Itachi Uchiha (Attack: 3,000 Defense: 2,900)." Itachi appeared and gasped when he saw Temari.

"Tem-Tem?" he asked. Temari giggled.

"Itch-Itch!" she exclaimed. They ran to the center of the duel field and started making out.

"Dang you!" shouted DC, "You summoned him because you knew he would make me jealous and start having perverted thoughts about Temari, thus making me not able to concentrate."

"Actually, he's just a powerful creature," said Yami with a shrug. Temari and Itachi walked off. "Wait, how are they doing that?" asked Yami. DC shrugged while quickly stuffing his spare palm-pilot in his pocket.

"Well, it's my turn now." DC drew a card. "And, since I'm felling pervy, I'll summon Jiraiya (Attack: 1,500 Defense: 1,300) to the field." The toad sage appeared. "And now I'll activate the card I've had on the field since the turn I summoned Haku." The card flipped to reveal… "Come-Come Paradise!" A giant version of Come-Come Paradise appeared and Jiraiya leapt inside. "This card protects my Pervert cards, just like Pegasus's 'Toon World'. Now Jiraiya, attack him directly!" Jiraiya emerged from the book and rushed at Yami.

"Not so fast!" exclaimed Yami, "I'll flip over my laid down card to reveal 'Gay Porn'!" Suddenly, very shocking images flashed across the field.

"OMG, my eyes!" exclaimed DC as he received 3,000 damage (LP: 800). Jiraiya ran away in terror.

"It is my turn," said Yami drawing a card, "And I'll summon my ultimate creature to the field!" Suddenly, Yami (Attack: 5,000 Defense: 5,000) appeared on the field. "Better think of something fast," taunted Yami, "Or Naruto is ours." DC was shaking as he looked at his hand.

"This is my last shot," he muttered to himself. He drew a card and…

xxxxxxxxxxxx

MEGA-CLIFF HANGER! Just kidding, read on.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

…using his palm-pilot, drew the card he wanted instead of the one he had.

"This duel is over," said DC defiantly, "I summon the great Kakashi Hatake (Attack: 9,999 Defense: 9,999)!" Suddenly, a pillar of light descended. Kakashi floated down from the heavens. "Now, Kakashi, OBLIDARATE!" Kakashi performed the Lightening-Fist jutsu and rushed at Yami. Yami lost all his life points and was defeated.

"You may have defeated us now, but we will be back. I swear it!"

"You can't swear," said DC, "You proved so with One Piece. But I'm tired of you, so…" DC performed a hand-sign. "Author style, Super Special Awesome jutsu!" Suddenly, the entire IVKids mansion evaporated into cheese whiz. Yami turned into a flying fish and crawled away, never to return. DC sighed. "Well, now that that's out of the way, TO MY HOUSE TO COME UP WITH A PLOT POINT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER!" The Lion, Scarecrow and Tin Man appeared. "Come on guys!" They linked arms and skipped down the Asphalt Road to the Onyx City where they met the great and terrible Snoz and received their greatest wishes. THE END!

DC suddenly woke up at his computer terrified.

"Wow, I got to lay off the frosting," he muttered as he grabbed his palm-pilot and cloak and made for Konoha.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes, I know this was a long chapter. Thank you for putting up with my retarded ness thus far. Next chapter: Shukaku emerges and becomes…a super pimp? Read on, and please review!


	7. Shukaku: Super Pimp?

DC: Wow, I actually have a fan-base now. MEGA-SQUEE! Guess what? I have another song:

Shukaku the Sandinator (tune of Trogdor the Burninator)

Shukaku!

Shukaku!

Shukaku was a man!

Uh, he was a demon-man!

Um, he was just a demon…

But he was still

Shukaku!

Shukaku!

Sandinating the countryside!

Sandinating the people!

Sandinating all the ninja!

And those Akatesuki emo-bombs!

Akatesuki emo-bombs!

And Shukaku comes out in the

NIGHT!

…yeah, I have even less of a life than last time.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Back in the Naruto world, Shukaku was having a bad day. Although he admitted to being a homicidal maniac, there was only one thing he truly wanted in life.

"_Dude, I need a girlfriend_," said Shukaku's voice in Gaara's head. Gaara snorted.

"Do not," replied Gaara, "Females are weak and would reduce our homicide rate considerably. Besides, you're a demon that happens to live inside me. If you get a girlfriend I'll be stuck with her as well." Shukaku ignored him.

"_I know! We could go to Konoha,_" said the sand demon, "_They've got some fine ladies._" Gaara was aghast.

"I thought you liked Temari." Shukaku shrugged, although no one could see him anyway.

"_Yeah, but like you said, she'll be yours too. I mean, unless you like the incest…_"

"Heck no!" exclaimed Gaara. Shukaku grinned.

"_Very well_. _Do the jutsu._" Gaara sighed.

"Fine. Possum Play Jutsu!" Gaara immediately fell asleep. The sand rose and formed into the shape of Shukaku.

"Excellent," said the demon, "But I need a more…attractive form." Shukaku melted and perfectly reformed into a non-sand human. "Now that that's done, to Konoha!"

* * *

Sakura was walking down the street in Konoha. She hadn't talked to Sasuke since the 'incident', and she hadn't seen Naruto in days. She was so lost in thought she ran right into a random guy.

"Sorry," she stammered, and then looked at him. The guy was about Gaara's height with black hair. He wore a ski cap, grills, and enough chains to open a bondage shop.

"It's all good, girl," said the stranger, "My homies call me Ukakuhs. Word!" he struck a gangsta' pose. Sakura was in love.

"Uh, wanna get together?" she asked timidly. Ukakuhs smiled wickedly.

* * *

It wasn't long at all before all the eligible bachelorettes had heard of the mysterious Ukakuhs. All the guys were having a meeting at the ramen shop.

"This has got to stop," began Neji, "Tenten won't even answer my calls anymore. She's always with that player Ukakuhs." The other guys nodded. Sasuke shrugged.

"Come on," he said emo-ishly, "He's not that bad." As he spoke, Ukakuhs, Sakura, Hinata, Tenten, Ino, Kurenai, Unko, and Tsunande walked by laughing. "Okay, I take that back."

"With him here, I have no chance to proclaim my undying love for Sakura!" exclaimed Rock Lee, "And where's Naruto?" Suddenly, our favorite Uzimaki ran in with a set of broken handcuffs on his wrist and shackles on his ankles.

"Has anyone seen Hinata? We were…"

* * *

Suddenly, the Author passed out. Then he woke up again.

* * *

"…then I fell asleep, and when I woke up, Hinata was gone!" The group starred at him.

"You and Hinata did what!?!" exclaimed Neji.

"Well, Hinata's off with that Ukakuhs pimp," said Kakashi, trying to restrain Neji.

"SWHAT!?! Someone else is taking advantage of Hinata? He must be stopped! But how?"

"There's only one way," said a voice from behind. They all spun around to see Jiraiya. "There's only one way," he continued, "And that way is to travel outside this world to the world of the Authors. Trust me; there is one working as we speak. And his name is…"

"DynamicChaos!" exclaimed DC as he flashed in and out simultaneously. The group gasped. Jiraiya nodded.

"Yes. Once there, maybe you can convince him to help stop this super pimp." With that, Jiraiya turned and walked away.

"Well, you heard him," said Shikamaru, "We must go meet this Author if we want our women back."

"HUZZAH!" exclaimed our heroes as they ran in some vague direction.

* * *

"Mwehehehehe!" giggled DC as he watched these shenanigans unfold on his computer, "This is getting slightly interesting. Although, I not the kind to just sit and read." He switched his computer to 'Control' and started typing…

* * *

After 20 minutes, the group discovered that they had no idea where they were going.

"How are you supposed to leave a world?" asked Naruto. Suddenly, a strange ship landed, crushing Shino, Neji, and Kiba. The door of the ship opened and a duck, a dog-mutant thing, and a teenage boy with a giant key walked out.

"Who are you?" asked Rock Lee. The boy grinned.

"We're Sora, Donald and Goofy," stated Sora, "We're traveling around to other worlds to find a mouse king and defeat an Organization of heart-less Goths."

"Did you say 'other worlds'?" asked Kakashi. Goofy nodded. The band looked at each other and smiled.

* * *

"I guess we should have gotten directions," said Sasuke. After beating Sora, Donald and Goofy senseless, the ninja hijacked their ship and Choji ate the annoying rodents inside.

"I know where to go, believe it!" exclaimed Naruto. However, after sinking the Black Pearl at Port Royal, laying waste to Halloween Town, killing Aries in Hollow Bastion, razing the Pride Lands to the ground, and making The World That Never Was the world that never will be, our heroes determined they had no idea what they had gotten themselves into.

"We should turn around," muttered Shikamaru, "This is so troublesome." Suddenly, there was a flash of purple light and an Author appeared.

"Enough!" he exclaimed, "You've virtually destroyed the best video game ever made!"

"Who in Gai Sensei's name are you?" asked Rock Lee. The Author flashed a demonic smile.

"I…am… DC!" he exclaimed.

"DirtyCatholic?" asked Kakashi.

"No."

"DarkClouds?" asked Shikamaru.

"No."

"DumplingChef?"

"No."

"DeathCreator?"

"No."

"RamenBeast?" Everyone looked at Naruto. "What?" he asked, "It's my screen name."

"You bakas," muttered DC, "I'm DynamicChaos."

"Oh," said everyone. DC smiled.

"Anyway, if this is about saving you from the hands of Organization IVKids, you're welcome."

"WHAT?" exclaimed the ninja. DC sighed.

"Never mind. What is it you desire then?" Naruto approached him.

"We demand that you get rid of Ukakuhs, believe it!" said Naruto defiantly. DC smiled darkly.

"Very well," DC said equally darkly, "But at one price: I want a date with the most beautiful woman in your entire world!"

"Unko?' asked Kakashi.

"Sakura?" asked Rock Lee.

"Ino?" asked Shikamaru.

"Hinata?" asked Naruto.

"A bowel of dumplings?" asked Choji, but was ignored.

"Orochimaru?" everyone stared at Sasuke. "Um…I guess not."

"No to them all," said DC, "I mean…Temari of the Sand!"

"Ka-SWHAT?" exclaimed the group. DC nodded.

"Fine, just get us our women back," said Naruto. DC smiled with angst.

"My pleasure, Naruto. My pleasure."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Sigh. Not as good as I wanted it to be, but descent enough. Next chapter: The overthrow of a super pimp and my date with Temari. Review! (and stay tuned…)


	8. A Date with a Sand Sibling

DC: This story has even more hits than my 'Adventures of Team Nightmare' story. Thank you all for boosting my self-esteem.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Gaara, it's time for dinner!" called Temari. There was no response. Curious, she walked to his room and entered. She saw Gaara lying on his floor asleep. "Kankuro!" she yelled terrified, "We have a problem!"

* * *

Back in Konoha, Ukakuhs was living the good life. With the help of his 'ladies', he had successfully taken over the village, converting the Hokage's tower into a pimp palace.

"Ah, my life's dream at last," muttered Ukakuhs contently. He was seated on a throne surrounded by his ladies. Suddenly, a wall exploded and DC walked in through the door next to it.

"Ukakuhs, or should I say Shukaku, I call thee out!" said DC. Shukaku grinned and turned back into his raccoon form. The girls gasped.

"I made out with Shukaku?"

"_I_ made out with Shukaku?"

"I slept with Shukaku?" Every one turned to look at Hinata. DC shook his head.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," muttered DC. "Anyway, as the Author I've been asked to eliminate you so the genin /chunin/ jounin can have their women back back, but since you have revealed yourself, they'll go on their own accord." Shukaku's eyes flashed with rage.

"How dare you destroy my life's dream!" he exclaimed, "I'll destroy you!" Shukaku shot an Air Bullet. DC smiled.

"Very well. We fight!" he leapt out of the way and summoned his weapon of choice: A black scythe with a black diamond blade and flamethrower.

"WTF?" said Shukaku as he launched another bullet. DC swung his scythe and deflected it. The girls ran away in fear. Shukaku launched bullet after bullet while DC sliced them all. After about 10 minutes, the palace was in ruins. DC and Shukaku stood panting.

"It appears we are evenly matched," said Shukaku. DC nodded. At that moment, Temari and Kankuro ran up carrying Gaara. "Oh, God, they're here."

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my favorite Character," said DC with a bow. Temari ignored him.

"We can't get Gaara to wake up," she said, "If we can, Shukaku will go back inside him." DC's face lit up.

"I've got it!" he exclaimed. DC pulled out his Ipod, put the headphones in Gaara's ears, and turned up the volume…

Miya hee

Miya hoo

Miya ha

Miya ha ha

Place ta place diya numa numa yeah

Numa numa yeah

Numa numa numa yeah

Gaara's eyes shot open.

"Turn off that freakin' song!" he exclaimed homicidally. Shukaku turned back into sand and returned to Gaara's body. DC dusted off his hands.

"Well, now that that's out of the way…" he turned towards Temari, "Ms. Temari, I believe we have a date."

"WHAT!" she exclaimed. DC reached into his cloak and pulled out a contract.

"This is a legal document stating that, in exchange for getting rid of Shukaku, a certain Sand Sibling would accompany me to dinner." Temari fumed.

"What if I refuse?" asked Temari. DC grimaced.

"Then you have to wear this for a week." DC summoned an outfit that screamed 'Hi, my name is Skanity Slut Slut'. "And yes, it will scream that nonstop." Temari flinched.

"Very well," she sighed. DC beamed.

"That's the spirit!" exclaimed the Author, "Now, to the best restaurant in the known universe!" DC clapped ceremoniously and he and Temari vanished. Kankuro and Gaara stood alone.

"So," muttered Kankuro, "How about them Knix?"

* * *

Over the fields and through the woods, far beyond the sea, past the point of no return, in a galaxy far, far away, somewhere over the rainbow and half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait Shop (you know the place) stood the best restaurant known to man, monkeys and aliens.

"T.G.I. Friday's!?!" exclaimed Temari as they stood outside. DC nodded.

"The one and only." DC took Temari's hand and led her inside. Oddly, despite the almightiness of this establishment, they were the only ones there.

"I wanted to make this special," whispered DC. A waiter approached and led them to a table. DC and Temari took seats opposite each other. "So, how's your family?" asked DC airily. Temari grimaced.

"Well, my younger brother's still a puppet freak and my youngest brother's a homicidal freak." DC grinned.

"So I guess that makes you the beautiful, intelligent, and overall nice person freak." Temari smiled for a second, and then frowned again.

"Cute," she muttered. A waiter approached the table.

"So, what would you like to order," asked he. DC shrugged.

"I guess I'll have…"

"REJECTED!" shouted the waiter suddenly. He backhanded DC into the wall and grabbed Temari. "Don't worry, baby. I'm here." DC stood up and faced them.

"I didn't expect to see you here…" He pointed at the waiter, "SMGstring!" SMGstring smiled.

"Please, call me Stalker-sama." He looked at Temari. "And why are you here with this guy?" Temari blushed.

"Uh…I love you?" Stalker-sama smiled.

"That will work," he said. He turned to face DC. "Back off, fool. This be my woman, yo." DC snarled.

"How dare you interrupt my perfect night?" asked DC, "My perfectly orchestrated ruse to spend time with the most perfect ninja ever, ruined by a super-perv." DC summoned his scythe. "I"LL KILL YA!" He rushed at Stalker-sama, who pushed Temari away and summoned a longsword. "SCYTHE BATTLE! SCYTHE BATTLE!" exclaimed DC as he swung repeatedly at Stalker-sama. The perv blocked each attack.

"Temari is mine," he said defiantly, but DC still pursued.

"SCYTHE BATTLE! SCYTHE BATTLE!" The fight continued around the restaurant, destroying furniture and the like.

"Guys, you're going to kill yourselves!" shouted Temari.

"SCYTHE BATTLE! SCYTHE BATTLE!"

"And would you shut up?" asked Stalker-sama. DC paused for a second.

"…SCYTHE BATTLE!" The brawl raged on. After about 30 minutes, both fighters were showing signs of fatigue.

"Scythe…battle…scythe battle…" panted DC. He stopped swinging and fainted. Stalker-sama dismissed his sword and approached Temari.

"I love you," he said as they proceeded to make out. DC awoke and shook his head in disgust.

"Adios," he muttered as he turned to walk away. Suddenly, he turned again, walked over to Temari and Stalker-sama, pushed away the perv, flicked him off, kissed Temari and got slapped.

"Screw you," said she. DC smiled wickedly.

"Ever night in my dreams, Temari," muttered DC as he flew off into the sunset. A manager suddenly appeared and approached Stalker-sama.

"Are you Temari's date?" she asked. Stalker-sama nodded. "Then here's the bill for the damages." She handed Stalker-sama a bill. His eyes widened as he read it.

"SCREW YOU, DYNAMICCHAOS!"

"Only Temari, only Temari," echoed DC's voice.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah, this chapter sucked. Oh well. Props to SMGstring and his perversion. Next chapter: The resurrection of an overused idea. Plus, more cameo's by my fellow Authors.


	9. An Old Idea Resurected!

DC: Greetings! This story passed 900 hits. I'm uber ecstatic!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DC sat in his room bored. It had been four day's since his failed date with his smexy impossible girlfriend, and he was out of ideas.

"I wonder what's new on he said with a sigh. He turned on his computer and logged on. He went to his Favorites and clicked on 'Fairy Godmother Shukaku'. He chuckled lightly as he read.

"Good old KS," he said to himself, "Always funny." DC searched through the site some more. He sighed. "Why do people insist on writing American Idol parodies if it's outside their writing skills?" Suddenly an idea struck him. DC laughed maniacally as he grabbed his cloak and palm-pilot and ran out the window.

* * *

KelliopeStarmist awoke dazed and confused. She had been busily working on her new story when she suddenly passed out. Looking around, she noticed she was in a giant auditorium. She stood up and began to walk around. Suddenly, someone fell out of the sky in front of her.

"Who are you?' asked KS. The girl who had just appeared stood up.

"I'm tomboy14, aka Aki. What's going on?" KS shrugged. Suddenly, a spotlight shone down on a lone figure standing on the stage. He was garbed in a black cloak and posing dramatically as a fanfare played.

"Welcome, ladies," he said, "'Tis I, DynamicChaos the First! Welcome to my story!" The girls squealed.

"Finally," began Aki, "You told me we'd do this like, X number of weeks ago." KS nodded in agreement.

"Too true," said DC leaping off the stage, "But I've been busy. Anyway, it is time for the ultimate overused parody…NINJA IDOL!"

* * *

God help us all.

* * *

"Welcome to Ninja Idol!" exclaimed a newly summoned Ryan Seacrest. The audience applauded. "It's time to meet our judges. On the left: KelliopeStarmist!" KS stood up and bowed. "On the right: tomboy14!"

"Call me Aki!" interjected the Author.

"And, the last: the ultimate DynamicChaos!" The audience cheered. "And now for our contestants. Please welcome: random Chunin/Genin from the Naruto world!" Suddenly, Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Ino, Shikamaru, Choji, Hinata, Kiba, Shino, the Sand Siblings, Rock Lee, Neji, TenTen (who exploded shortly afterwards, ending her screen time), and Konahamaru appeared on stage.

"And now, just like real TV, it's time for a commercial break!"

* * *

Neji was sitting in a field. Suddenly, a random girl appeared.

"Neji's Byakugan can see through trees, but can he see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?" Neji's Byakugan flared.

"Because they were destined to!" he exclaimed dramatically. The girl shook her head.

"No! It's because there's a mouthful of cinnamon swirls in every bite!"

Cinnamon Toast Crunch: The Taste You Can See!

* * *

"We're back!" exclaimed Seacrest. The audience cheered. "Now time to explain the rules. Each person will be given a chance to sing a little of a song. The judges vote and decide who moves on. After much elimination, the last person will become…NINJA IDOL! Oh, and do not question the Authors' authority. So, for our first contestant…Rock Lee!" The audience cheered as Rock Lee took the stage. DC sighed.

"What will you sing?" asked he. Lee smiled.

"Eye of the Tiger!" he said as he started singing…

---

DUN!

DUN DUN DUN!

DUN DUN DUN!

DUN DUN DUUUN!

Dodododododododo

DUN!

DUN DUN DUN!

DUN DUN DUN!

DUN DUN DUUUN!

Dodododododododo

DUN!

---

The audience was silent.

"That…" started KS,

"Was…" continued Aki,

"Magnificent…I mean horrible," finished DC, "Please escort yourself to the nearest trash receptacle and deposit yourself into it." Rock Lee sighed and walked off stage.

"Ooh, tough break," said Ryan, "Moving right along…Kiba!"

"MEGA-SQUEE!" exclaimed Aki, waving at the stage. Kiba smiled and waved back.

"What are you singing?" asked KS.

"Who Let the Dogs Out," said Kiba as he started singing…

---

When the party was nice, the party was jumpin'

And everybody havin' a ball,

I tell the fellas "start the name callin'"  
And the girls report to the call  
The poor dog show down

Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)  
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)  
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)  
Who let the dogs out (woof, woof, woof, woof)

---

"Decent," muttered DC as the song ended.

"OMG, make out with me!" exclaimed Aki to Kiba. He leapt off stage and did.

"I guess he's moving on," said KS slyly. DC nodded.

"And now our next contestant…Gaara of the Sand!" exclaimed Ryan. The audience clapped as Gaara walked on stage.

"Dare I ask what you're singing?" asked KS. Gaara smiled homicidally.

"The Animal I have Become," said Gaara…

---

I can't escape this hell  
So many times I've tried  
But I'm still caged inside  
Somebody get me through this nightmare  
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?  
No one will ever change this animal I have become  
Help me believe it's not the real me  
Somebody help me tame this animal!

---

The audience was silent save for DC sniveling.

"That was so beautiful!" he said crying. KS patted his shoulder to consol him. Aki was too busy making out to notice.

"And Gaara passes on!" said Ryan as Gaara walked off stage. "But now for a commercial break!"

* * *

Orochimaru sat in his room. He picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"Hey Sasuke, this is Oro!" said Orochimaru.

"I told you not to call me, you sick pedophile!" exclaimed Sasuke on the other end.

"Yes," began Orochimaru, "But I'm calling you with my new Comcast Digital Voice. Its powers are the ultimate, but not as much as mine!" Silence.

"And…" said Sasuke.

"But…Digital Voice…" said Orochimaru, "…BE MINE!!!!!"

"Screw you." Sasuke hung up.

Your service maybe better, but your calls will still be the same. Comcast Digital Voice.

* * *

"And…we're back!" said Ryan, "Our last contestant for today will be…Sasuke!"

"Father, into your hands I come," muttered DC as Sasuke took the stage, "And Aki, you're supposed to be judging! This isn't one of your random pervert stories; this actually has a plot!" Aki disengaged from Kiba and sat down with a pout.

"I, the great Sasuke Uchiha, will sing my theme song…"

---

I'm an emo kid,

Non-conforming as can be…

---

"NEXT!" exclaimed the judges at once. DC pulled out his 'In case of emo-tastic snotty homo' button and pushed it. Suddenly, an army of fangirls appeared.

"Oh, snap. Hot females!" exclaimed Sasuke as he ran away in terror.

"Well, that's all the time we have left," said Ryan, "Tune in tomorrow for further excitement!"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yes, I kept you in suspense for this. Don't you just love me? Next chapter: The singing continues. Plus: Scythe battle? REVIEW!!!!! (and stay tuned…)


	10. Ninja Idol Part 2

Sasuke: Odd Times in Konoha is sponsored in part by Narut-O's, there Naruto-licious. Wait, 'Naruto-licios'? Does that mean they taste like Naruto?

DC: Sasuke…

Sasuke: No, seriously. How do you test something like that? I, mean, unless you're Hinata…

DC: Read…the freakin' lines…you amateur.

Sasuke: Fine. Narut-O's, they're apparently Naruto-licios. Now where's my paycheck?

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Welcome to another exciting episode of Ninja Idol!" exclaimed Ryan. The audience cheered. "Now, for the sake of the Author, let's move on to our next contestant…Shikamaru!"

"Whoo!" cheered Aki. DC sighed.

"So, what song are you singing?" asked the rather bored Author.

"Despite how troublesome this all is, I'm singing Wake Me Up When September Ends…"

---

Summer has come and passed

The innocence can never last

Wake me up

When September…

---

Shikamaru started snoring.

"He fell asleep?" asked KS.

"Uh…at least his snoring is in tune," said Aki hopefully. KS shook her head.

"REJECTED!" exclaimed DC as security carried Shikamaru away. Aki pouted.

"You guys are mean." DC nodded.

"Well, that sucked," said Ryan to the audience. "Anyway, next up is… Hinata!" Hinata walked on stage.

"What sing you?" asked DC. Hinata smiled.

"The best song ever written!" She threw off her coat, revealing the corset-thing from Chapter 1.

---

I'm bringin' sexy back

Them other boys they don't know how to act

I think it's special... what's behind your back

So turn around and I'll pick up the slack

Dirty Babe

You see these shackles baby I'm your slave

I'll let you whip me if I misbehave

It's just that no one makes me feel this way.

---

The audience was silenced. DC passed out with a nose-bleed.

"That was the most sluttish thing I've ever seen!" said KS angrily. "Be gone, ye demon of the Pit! Special Author Attack: Generic Energy Blast!" KS performed a Kamekameha-type attack and obliterated Hinata. DC awoke.

"Where'd the smexy go?" he asked.

"I obliterated it!" said KS triumphantly. DC shrugged.

"Good thing too. I almost lost sight of the true smexy…Temari!" DC struck a pose.

"Uh…commercial time!" said Ryan.

* * *

Stay tuned for a powerful new episode of "As the Sound Echoes"…

Kabuto: Orochimaru, what's wrong? You haven't attempted to kidnap Sasuke in days.

Orochimaru: That's because…I have a terminal disease!

Kabuto: But who will take care of your adopted half-sister's daughter Maria?

Orochimaru: She also has a terminal disease!

Kabuto: NO!

How will Kabuto handle the impending death of his master? STAY TUNED! (We need the ratings…)

* * *

"We have returned!" said Ryan, "So now it's time for…Kisame?"

"What!?!" exclaimed the judges. DC shrugged.

"I figured that, for the sake of the funny, Akatsuki should sing too." Kisame walked on stage.

"Guess what I'm singing?"

---

Dun dun…

Dun dun…

Dun Dun…

Dun Dun

Dun Dun

Dun Dun Dun

DA DA!

DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA

Dun…

---

"Well, that was pointless," said DC. Kisame groaned and walked away.

"I just realized something," said KS. "These people have no singing talent."

"Not so fast!" exclaimed Temari leaping on stage. "It's my turn! I used to sing this to Gaara when he was scared at night." Temari cleared her throat and sang…

---

Little child, be not afraid  
though thunder explodes and lightning flash,  
Illuminates your tear-stained face.  
I am here tonight.

And someday you'll know  
that nature is so.  
The same rain that draws you near me  
falls on rivers and land  
on forests and sand  
makes the beautiful world that you'll see  
in the morning.

---

The audience was moved to tears.

"Temari, that was beautiful," said a random guy leaping on stage. DC and Temari gasped.

"Stalker-sama!" they exclaimed. He smiled.

"Yes, and it appears that I find my ex with this fool again."

"Wait! She's your ex now?" asked DC. Stalker-sama nodded.

"Quite so. And no thanks to you…"

* * *

SUPER-SPECIAL-AWSOME FLASHBACK SEQUENCE, GO!

* * *

"$2,935,751!" exclaimed Stalker-sama looking at the bill.

"And 23 cents," added the manager. Stalker-sama glared at Temari.

"I blame you,' he said. Temari gasped.

"The hell do you blame me?" she asked.

"If you weren't out with that Goth-Emo-Freak-Thing, than I wouldn't have to pay this."

"He is not a Goth-Emo-Freak-Thing! He treated me more like a human being than you ever did!" Silence.

"Very well, Temari. If that's what you think…" Stalker-sama turned and walked off dramatically.

"Come back with my money!" exclaimed the manager.

* * *

FLASBACK END

* * *

"And that's the last time I saw her, until now." Stalker-sama glared at DC. "It's time to pay for what you did to my life. HENTAI BLADE!" A giant sword with yellow fire appeared. DC nodded.

"And so it shall be. SCYTHE OF THE EMO-GOTH!" DC's purple-fire scythe appeared. The two Author's stood facing each other.

"Uh, can't we just put this behind us?" asked Temari.

"NO!" exclaimed Stalker-sama. "SWORD BATTLE!" He rushed at DC, who parried the attack.

"SCYTHE BATTLE!" countered DC.

"God, not again," muttered Temari. The two Authors proceeded to attack each other, leaving destruction en mass in their wake.

"SWORD BATTLE!"

"SCYTHE BATTLE!"

"SWORD BATTLE!"

"SCYTHE BATTLE!"

"FAN BATTLE!" shouted Temari suddenly. She drew her fan and blew away Stalker-sama, DC, KS, Aki, the ninjas, Ryan Seacrest, the auditorium, the audience, and Milwaukee.

"Uh…sorry," said Temari as she stood alone.

* * *

DC: Did you really think I would end with something like that? I summon…SCOBBY-DOO ENDING!

* * *

"SWORD BATTLE!"

"SCYTHE BATTLE!"

"Wait!" exclaimed Aki. The Authors stopped mid-attack. "That's not Stalker-sama!" Aki walked over and unmasked him.

"The Fourth Hokage?!?" exclaimed everyone.

"Yes," he said, "I was going to eliminate DC, steal his palm-pilot, and restore myself to my former super-pimp glory. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids and your stupid dog!"

"Don't insult Sakura like that! She's not _that _stupid!" said DC. The crowd burst out laughing.

* * *

DC: …Never mind. SUPER-SPECIAL-AWSOME-FEEL-GOOD-HAPPY-ENDING GO!

* * *

"SWORD BATTLE!"

"Stop!" said DC suddenly. Stalker-sama put down his sword. DC reached into his pocket and pulled out a check.

"This is to pay for T.G.I Friday's," said DC. Stalker-sama smiled.

"Thanks, man." He walked over to Temari.

"I'm sorry. Can we get back together?" Temari squealed with delight and kissed him. Shikamaru woke up and walked over to Aki.

"Wanna hook up?" he asked. Aki nodded.

"Yes, but I won't make out with you spontaneously, for I am not a slut like most people think." Shikamaru shrugged and hugged her instead.

"Time for the finale!" exclaimed DC. A disco ball dropped from the ceiling. DC grabbed a microphone and started singing…

---

For what is a man?

What has he got?

If not himself

Then he has not

To say the things

He truly feels

And not the words

Of one who kneels?

The record shows

I took the blows

And did it

My way!

---

The audience roared with approval.

"Well this is odd," said Itachi coming from nowhere. "Hey KS, wanna go back to my place?" KS nodded and the two walked off into the moonset.

"Oh, snap!" exclaimed Aki, "The new episode of 'As the Sound Echoes' is coming on!" The audience instantly dissipated.

"Uh…this is getting out of hand," said DC. "And…CHAPTER END!"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Ha! You all thought I'd actually take the time out to finish Ninja Idol? Well, think again, friends. If this doesn't prove I'm mentally unstable in a good way then nothing does! Next chapter: Stuff happens. Plus: People say things! Review! (And stay tuned!)

P.S. In all honesty, I'm out of funny stuff to write. If any among you have any type of G to PG-13 rated suggestions, ideas, comments, concerns, demands, orders, threats, etc. then please PM or review them to me. For the sake of the funny!


	11. Down the Raccoon Hole!

DC: Over 1,000 hits! Huzzah! As said last chapter, I'm just about out of ideas. But not quite yet…

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Temari sat on her front porch and looked out over the desert. The sun beamed down, making the sand glisten. Suddenly, she saw a movement out of the corner of her eye. Temari looked harder and saw it was a small raccoon running across the sand. Focusing harder, it looked like…

"Shukaku?" wondered Temari aloud. Fearing for her village, she chased after it.

"I'm late; I'm late, for a very important date! No time to say hello, goodbye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" wailed Shukaku.

"Late for what, fiend?" asked Temari. The raccoon ignored her and kept running. Temari was almost upon it when it turned and shot down a hole that popped out of nowhere.

"How peculiar," Temari muttered as she examined the hole. Suddenly, she lost her footing and plummeted down after Shukaku.

* * *

DC: Sound familiar so far?

* * *

After what seemed like days, hours, minutes, and seconds simultaneously, Temari landed at the bottom of the hole. In front of her was an elaborately decorated hallway which Shukaku was running down.

"…Oh dear, oh my, hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" exclaimed the demon.

"Get back here!" called Temari as she ran after. Soon they came to a large room with a table in the middle and a small door. Shukaku ran across the room and through the door. "Curses, now I'll never catch him," muttered Temari. She looked at the table and noticed a small bottle labeled 'Drink me'. "Well, since I have nothing better to do…" Temari picked up the bottle and drank its contents. Instantly she was shrunken down to the size of the raccoon. "Thank you conveniently placed potion." Temari walked over to the door and tried the handle.

"OW!" exclaimed the door.

"Guess I should have checked the alcohol content," muttered Temari.

"I'm locked," said the door. "The key's on the table."

"Screw the key." Temari unfurled her fan. "WIND SCYTHE!" The door was instantly obliterated. "That was easy." She refolded her fan and walked through the doorway.

Sunlight greeted her on the other side. They shook hands and Sunlight left.

"Why is the sun shining? I thought I fell down a hole."

"You most likely did," said two voices. Temari whirled around and saw two albino looking guys in propeller beanies.

"Sakon and Ukon?" she asked unbelievingly.

"No. I'm Tweedle-Sak…" said 'Sakon'.

"And I'm Tweedle-Uk," finished 'Ukon'. "Welcome to Wonderland!"

"The hell?" asked Temari. The twins nodded.

"Yes, Wonderland! Would you like…"

"To hear a song?" they asked together. "It's called The Ninja and the Alchamist." Sakon pulled out a pitch-pipe and set the note. Then they sang…

---

The ninja and the alchemist

Were going to have a fight

They stood facing each other

In the diminishing light

They're aim was to kill the other

And try with all their might.

The ninja and the alchemist

Stood upon the lawn

Their kunai and circles were

Respectively drawn

And now we come to, at last

The ending of this yarn

The ninja threw his kunai knifes

At his enemy

The alchemist did counter

A cannon summoned he

Their blows did land at the same time

A grisly thing to see

The time has come, my friend it has

To talk of other things

Like Goths and preps and MCR

And geometry and rings

And if the sun is burning cold

And whether nerds have bling.

Callooh, callaah, we talk today

Of geometry and rings!

---

"The end!" said the twins simultaneously. Temari stood twitching.

"What…the hell…WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!" she exclaimed. Sakon shrugged.

"Nothing," said Ukon. "We just wanted to annoy you!" The twins laughed maniacally as they rolled away.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

…welcome to the crack parade, friends. The following chapters will be a lot shorter than usual because I said so. Don't worry, I'll probably post the next one in a few hours anyway. REVIEW (and stay tuned)!


	12. Wonderland: OTIK Style!

DC: Te he, sorry for not updating as promised. I got a new video MP3 player and filled it with crap. Does anyone know how to download videos? I can't get it to work…

xxxxxxxxxxxx

After killing Tweedle-Sak and Tweedle-Uk, Temari continued down a conveniently placed path until she arrived at a large house. Shukaku was standing out side looking impatient.

"There you are Mary Anne," he said when he saw her. "Go and fetch me my hat."

"I'm not Mary Anne!" protested Temari. Shukaku shook his head.

"No excuses." Shukaku pushed Temari towards the house. She shrugged and went inside.

* * *

After wandering around for a bit, she found a plate of cookies labeled 'Eat Me'.

"SQUEE! Cookies!" exclaimed Temari as she ate them. Suddenly, she started growing and growing until she took up the entire house. Her feet stuck though the front and back door, and her arms through the windows.

* * *

"OMFG!" exclaimed Shukaku when he noticed. "MONSTER!" At that moment, Gai came walking down the path. "Good golly Gai! There's a smexy monster in my house!" Gai struck a pose.

"Fear not. My youthful student Tenten will get it out". Tenten came running.

"Screen time!" she exclaimed as ran up to the house.

* * *

"Crap," thought Temari, "I'm allergic to people who don't have mad skills." Temari sneezed explosively, sending Tenten flying over the hills and far away.

* * *

Gai shook his head.

"There goes her screen time. Nevertheless, my better-then-Kakashi skills are more than enough to eliminate that monster." Gai rushed at the house.

* * *

"Wait, I still have this bottle," thought Temari as she somehow drank some. She instantly shrunk just as Gai reached the house.

* * *

"SUPER-SPECIAL-AWSOME-MIGHT-GAI-MEGA-PUNCH, GO!" Gai slammed the house, sending Temari flying away.

"My crib!" wailed Shukaku. He looked at his watch. "Oh, poopy, I'm late!" Shukaku ran away to get to where he was needed.

* * *

Temari landed several miles away in a bush.

"Ah, smexy from the sky," said a man sitting on a giant mushroom smoking what suspiciously like crack. Temari looked up.

"Shino?" asked Temari. The guy shook his head.

"Pretty much. Now, who…are…you?"

"You know me. Temari." Shino shrugged.

"Not ringing bells. Anyway, what brings you here?"

"I'm trying to find my way home." Shino scratched his head.

"Well, all I know is that one side makes you larger, and the other makes you smaller."

"The hell?" asked Temari.

"One side, small. One side, large," repeated Shino.

"One side of what?"

"THE MUSHROOM!" exclaimed Shino instantly violent. He took several drags from his crack and exploded.

Well, that was odd," muttered Temari as she grabbed some mushroom and walked away.

* * *

After several hours Temari came to a fork in the road.

"I wonder who lost a fork," she muttered. She eventually arrived to a cross roads.

"Now, which way to take."

"That depends where you want to go," said a random orange jumpsuit guy in a tree. Temari looked up and saw Naruto with a huge almost maniacal smile plastered on his face.

"What are you doing here, Naruto?"

"Naruto? No, I'm the Cheshire Fox. And like I asked, where do you want to go?"

"Uh…it doesn't matter," stammered Temari. She was quite unnerved by the smile.

"Then does it really matter which way you take? Either way, I would recommend going left. The Mad Hatter and March Pervert live that way."

"I don't like the sound of either of them. Do you know anyone not mad or perverted?" The Cheshire Fox's smile somehow grew larger.

"In Wonderland, everyone's either one, or the other, or both." The Fox started laughing as he slowly melted away.

"Sigh. I guess I might as well go left," thought Temari as she did so.

* * *

"Hey look. Smexyness!" exclaimed Jiraiya as Temari approached. He and the Third Hokage were seated at a large banquet table with infinitely many teapots and teacups.

"Why does everyone here think I'm smexy?" asked Temari.

"Because you are," said the Hokage, "Anyway, there isn't any room."

"What!?! There are, like, 27 chairs free."

"Perhaps," said Jiraiya, "But there isn't any room."

"I don't care. I'm thirsty." Temari walked up and took a seat.

"So…care for a cup?" asked Jiraiya.

"Just a half." Jiraiya took a filled teacup, sliced it in half and handed it to Temari.

"Uh…okay." Temari took a sip of her 'half a cup of tea'.

"So anyway," began the Hokage, "I'm the Mad Hatter; probably because of this thing on my head." He gestured at his hat. "And my friend is the March Pervert."

"I couldn't have guessed," muttered Temari noticing Jiraiya was checking her out.

"How is a hamster like a bowl of pudding?" asked the Hokage suddenly.

"What?"

"Really. How is a hamster like a bowl of pudding?" Temari scratched her head.

"I don't know. How is a hamster like a bowl of pudding?"

"BLASPHEMY!" exclaimed Jiraiya. "That's ludicrous!"

"True that," agreed the Hokage.

"But you just asked me!" The Hokage shrugged.

"I don't recall." Suddenly, Shukaku came running.

"Don't worry, I'm still late!" exclaimed the raccoon.

"Hey, come here," said Jiraiya grabbing him. "I think your watch is broken!"

"No it's not!"

"Of course it is," agreed the Hokage. "It needs butter." The hokage grabbed a spoon of butter and spread it in the watch.

"The hell!?!" exclaimed Shukaku.

"And jam!" chimed Jiraiya.

"You people are insane," said Temari. "I'm out of here." Temari got up and left the tea party.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

…go insanity! Next chapter: Temari meets the Queen (?) of Snakes! Plus: An author appearance? REVIEW (and stay tuned…)!


	13. Wonderland Finale!

DC: Now…for the final chapter is the Wonderland Saga!

Temari: Aww, there goes my main character time.

DC: Oh, you'll always be_ my _main character. Anyway, on with the crackness!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

After several more hours of walking and running into drugged up versions of her acquaintances, Temari sat down on a log.

"I'm going to be stuck in this nightmare forever, aren't I?" she asked nobody.

"Per…haps…" replied a familiar voice from behind. Temari spun around and saw…

"The Cheshire Fox!" The Fox nodded.

"The same. Now, I have a suggestion for going home."

"WHAT?" exclaimed Temari excitedly.

"Go down this path," he magically summoned a path, "And you'll be at the castle at the Queen of Snakes. Be aware, though, he has a very short temper."

"Wait, 'he?'" But the Fox had gone. Shrugging to herself, Temari walked down the path to the castle.

* * *

"You idiots!" exclaimed a snake as Temari approached, "These roses are ruined!" After following the path, Temari had arrived at a large courtyard with a purple and black tower in the center.

"What's wrong with them?" asked Temari, "They look fine red roses."

"Exactly!" said the snake, "The Queen wants purple roses for the King. It's their anniversary." Suddenly a trumpet sounded. "Crap, they're here!" The tower door opened and a royal procession emerged. Several snakes supported a throne on which was seated…

"Queen Orochimaru and King Sasuke!" announced a different snake. The other snakes bowed. Temari stood petrified as the throne came closer. She could see that Orochimaru was dressed in a flowing dress of different shades of purple that would have looked very prestigious and fine had they been on a woman. They just looked creepy on him.

"Hmm?" asked Orochimaru upon seeing Temari, "Why don't you bow to your Queen?"

"Oro…Oro…Orochimaru?" stammered Temari disbelievingly. Orochimaru nodded.

"Yes, and my husband and King of Snakes, Sasuke Uchiha." Temari fainted. "Good enough. And you!" he pointed to the gardener snakes, "These roses are disgusting! Shukaku, OUT WITH THEIR SPLEENS!" Suddenly, Shukaku appeared and ripped out the snake's internal organs.

"GAH!" exclaimed the snakes as they bled to death. Orochimaru laughed.

"Girl, do you like Frisbee Golf?" he asked to Temari. Temari woke up.

"Uh…no."

"Tough. Come, we play Frisbee Golf!" Sasuke giggled.

"My favorite game, honey!" he said. "I love you!" Temari shuddered as she followed them.

* * *

"Alas, the Frisbee Golf course!" exclaimed Sasuke as they arrived. Suddenly a guard snake ran up to them.

"My Lord and Lady," he began. "There's been an emergency!"

"What happened?" asked Orochimaru.

"The cupcakes thou hast made have been stolen!"

"Good golly gracious!" exclaimed Sasuke. "Do we know who?"

"No," said the snake. "But…"

"Out with his spleen!" Shukaku appeared and ripped out the snake's spleen. "Anyway, I think it was…YOU!" he pointed at Temari.

"Why?"

"Because you don't like Frisbee Golf!" stated Orochimaru.

"Wait!" interjected Sasuke. "We should at least have a trail." Orochimaru pondered.

"Very well, my little cuppycake. We have a trial!"

* * *

Several minutes later the trial was set. A snake with a powdered wig took the podium.

"We are gathered here today to try Temari for the theft of Orochimaru's cupcakes. Temari, you speak first." Temari stood.

"Yeah, well…I didn't take them. I was with Orochimaru the whole time."

"Blasphemy!" exclaimed the Mad Hatter appearing from nowhere. "Pie owns the souls of millions!"

"Too true!" agreed Gai. "I have a question for the defendant: If an Indian is paddling his canoe upstream and the back wheel falls off, how does the dog get his dinner?"

"The hell?" asked Temari.

"There you have it!" exclaimed Sasuke. "Guilty as charged."

"I object!" exclaimed the March Pervert.

"OUT WITH ALL THEIR SPLEENS!" roared the enraged Orochimaru. Shukaku leapt into action removing the spleens. After five minutes everyone was dead… except Temari.

"Now how am I supposed to get home?" Suddenly, a pillar of light descended.

"**Temari**, **it is I**, **God**, **and…**"

"Hi DC." The light dimmed and DC appeared.

"You never let me have any fun. Anyway, since everyone's dead I will take you home myself…"

"Yeah!" squealed Temari.

"…at a price. And that price is…one kiss."

"That's it?" asked Temari. DC nodded. Temari approached him.

"Well, if that's all…" Temari leaned toward him.

"Sweet, now I won't be a virgin anymore!" thought DC. Suddenly, Temari swiped his palm-pilot and ran away. "Why do you hate me?" wailed DC as the world melted away.

Temari woke up on her porch.

"It's finally over," she thought as she went back to sleep. Although everything was and will probably continue to be fine in Suna, there were about to be some...

ODD TIMES IN KONOHA!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

I know: worst ending ever. But fear not. Now that I'm out of parody ideas, I can start on what I intended this fiction to be… random episodes making fun of typical fanfictions! If you've ever seen 'UHV'starring Weird Al, then you know where this is going. Next chapter: High School Fictions Have Never Looked So Good. Review (and stay tuned…)!


	14. High School Fics Never Looked So Good!

DC: …yeah. I've got nothing to say.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DAY THE FIRST

Naruto stood outside the newly built building. It looked like the Academy, only a lot bigger and shinier. He looked at the letter in his hand and read it to himself again:

By Order of the Hokage:

All ninja's that have graduated from the Academy are to report to 512 Konoha Ave. at 7:00 am on Monday. This order is nonnegotiable.

Naruto sighed and returned the note to his pocket. He didn't know what to expect, but he didn't think it was good.

"Hi Naruto," called a timid sounding voice. Naruto spun around and saw Hinata standing behind him.

"Hey Hinata!" replied Naruto. "Do you know what this is about?" Hinata shook her head.

"Good, I'm not the only one here," said another person approaching. "What a drag."

"Hello, Shikamaru," said Hinata. Shikamaru sighed. Soon other people started showing up. It wasn't long before all the ninja (or at least the ones that matter) had arrived. At precisely 7:00, the doors opened and the Hokage walked out.

"Welcome," said the Hokage. "It has come to my attention that you have no idea what's happening. Please come inside and follow the signs." The Hokage turned and walked back inside.

"Come on guys, believe it!" called Naruto as he raced inside.

* * *

The signs led them into a large room with desks.

"Take your seats, please," said the Hokage. "Okay, now I'll tell you why you're here." He paused. "Over the years I have noticed a rising illiteracy and overall stupidity level in Konoha."

"I knew!" exclaimed Rock Lee. "The illiteracy levels is appalling!" Silence.

"Yeah…like that," continued the Hokage. "Anyway, I was recently approached by a man who claimed to have a solution. 'A high school', he said. 'A high school where I can teach the younger generation will save the village'. Well, I agreed, and that is what will be happening for the next few months. You will live here in dorms and be taught. Now, this gentleman has a few words for you." The door burst open and a man clothed in a black cloak and carrying a scythe entered.

"Good God!" exclaimed Sasuke. "It's DynamicChaos!" DC smiled.

"How observant," he said. "And using my awesome Author-Powers, I shall send the Hokage away!"

"Wait, what?" asked the Hokage. But it was too late. In a flash of light, the Hokage was gone.

"OMG!"

"WTF!"

"LOL!"

"BBQ!"

"PWN'D!"

"Enough!" exclaimed DC. "I'm your master now. And as such, I'll also be your teachers until the semester is over!"

"Objection!" exclaimed Neji. "How can one person teach multiple classes simultaneously?" DC smiled.

"Easy. Author Style: Personality Split No Jutsu!" Suddenly, DC split into four different versions of himself.

"Hello," said the one in a green cloak. "I'm DC's depressed side. Call me Lance"

"I'm DC's evil side," muttered the one in red. "Call me Rogerick"

"And I'm DC's feminine side!" squealed the one in pink. "I'm named Marilyn!"

"And you know me," said the original. "Now, first things first, you'll be assigned dorms."

"And what if we refuse?" asked Neji defiantly. Rogerick stood up.

"I'll do this…" he pointed at Neji. "MIND CRUSH!" The Hyyuga fell dead.

"Oh my God, you killed Neji!" exclaimed Marilyn.

"You bastard," muttered Lance. Rogerick grinned.

"I know. Any other takers?" Silence. "Good." Rogerick sat back down.

"O…K…" said DC. "Anyway, the rooms are as follows…"

* * *

Sakura-Ino

Sasuke-Lee

Naruto-Choji

Shino-Shikamaru

Hinata-Tenten

Kiba-Neji's body

* * *

"Why do I get the dead guy?" complained Kiba.

"Because I don't like you," said DC.

"Aw, but he's so cute!" said Marilyn. Kiba cringed. "Oh, don't worry," Marilyn took down her hood revealing long blond girly hair. "I may only be the feminine side of a guy, but I am female." Kiba relaxed a little and dragged Neji's body to his room. DC grinned wickedly.

"Oh you may relax now," thought the Author. "But just wait until tomorrow…"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DUN DUN DUN! What horrors await the ninjas on their first day at high school? Next chapter: First Lessons and a Cafeteria Nazi! REVIEW (and stay tuned…)!


	15. High School Hell part 1

DC: At last! Thank you Agent HUNK for filling me in. Now, for further chaos...

xxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

DAY THE SECOND, PERIOD 1

* * *

After much pointless morning activities, the gang showed up for their first class…English, taught by DC.

"What up, pupils?" said DC as the students entered. "Welcome to English class. In this class we learn to talk and write good. Now, someone say something so I can insult your grammar." Sakura raised her hand. "Okay, Pink-haired Slut, what say you?"

"Uh, can I use the bathroom?"

"Rejected!" exclaimed DC hurling his scythe within inches of her head (darn, it missed). "It's 'May I use the bathroom?'."

"Oh," said Sakura. "Well, may I?"

"No, because you suck at life. Next!" Kiba raised his hand. "Okay, Dog-Freak."

"Do I have to carry this body around all day?" said Kiba indicating Neji.

"I don't know. Why are you now?"

"Well, if I didn't he'd be late to class." Everyone starred at him.

"You know he's dead, right?"

"Yeah, but even the dead have a right to an education."

"…Touché." The bell rang. "And since my classes are only about 200 words long, you're all dismissed."

* * *

PERIOD 2

* * *

"Hello class," greeted Lance as the students entered. "Welcome to Health class. Now, who here knows about social health?" No one knew. "Kay. Social health is one's ability to fit into a group or culture. Sakura and Ino please come to the front." Sakura and Ino did. "Okay, here are two ordinary girls," proceeded Lance in his normal monotone. However, they both obviously have different levels of social health. Which would you say has the highest?"

"INO!" chorused the class.

"Correct. Now we will examine why. Who would enjoy spending any time at all with Sakura?" Naruto raised his hand. "Naruto, please stand and explain why."

"Okay. Sakura is the sexiest, smartest, most kind and awesome person in the world!" The class booed.

"Very well, same question only with Ino." Everyone raised their hand. "Okay, for the sake of appeasing Aki, Shikamaru explain." Shikamaru stood.

"Ino is the…yawn…prettiest, smartest, and overall kindest and awesome person I know." The class cheered.

"It appears we have two different views with the same reasons supporting them. But, since Naruto's a retard, he doesn't count. This exercise was to prove that flirtatious smexy gods and goddesses succeed in life, and ugly losers like me and Sakura are forced to lead a life of misery and woe, forever trying to match the ever rising expectations of others. Is there no rest for the outcast? Class, is there? You should be ashamed of yourselves, demeaning this pretty intelligent girl with your words. Go now and leave us!" The bell rang and everyone left except Sakura and Lance.

"Oh, Lance…"

"Oh, Sakura…"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

A/N: This is for the sake of giving everyone a role. I only like Sakura like I being raped by flaming unicorns on steroids (aka I don't…at all).

xxxxxxxxxxxx

* * *

LUNCH

* * *

Everyone filed into the cafeteria to get their food.

"I can't believe Lance actually likes Sakura," said Ino. "I feel bad about myself now." Shikamaru walked over to her.

"Don't. It's not worth it." Although he didn't know it, Shikamaru's words sparked something in Ino. Something…like love…

But before I could give too much away, the scene changed to Shino in line for food.

"I'll have some soup," he said. The lunch guy turned and starred at him.

"…YOU!" The guy leapt over the counter and grabbed him by the throat. "Thought you could escape me, Jew boy? Hiding your horns under your hair, I see. Nevertheless, I, the Cafeteria Nazi, will destroy you!" The Nazi threw Shino acrossed the room. He grabbed and AK-47 and shot at the ceiling. DC and his personalities minus Lance rushed in.

"What's going on?" asked Marilyn.

"I, the Cafeteria Nazi, will…"

"Screw you," said Rogerick, "NAZI CRUSH!" The Nazi flew backward into the wall. DC helped Shino stand.

"I apologize my attempted joke mistook you for a Jew," said DC. Shino shrugged.

"Don't worry," said Shino. "I have no shame of my religion." DC gasped.

"Wait. You mean you're…"

"Oy vey!" Shino opened his coat, revealing a Star of David shirt. The students stared as the bell rang.

"I don't know you anymore," muttered DC as they left.

* * *

PERIOD 3

* * *

The students stepped cautiously into their next class.

"Hello, students," greeted Rogerick coldly. "I'll be teaching Math, my least favorite subject." Rogerick summoned a chalkboard. "Time for a quiz!" The class groaned. Rogerick shot a random Crush 'spell', destroying the windows. "Shut up. Any wrong answers and that will be you. Now…NARUTO, WHAT'S THE FORMULA FOR FINDING CIRLCE AREA?!?" Naruto's head shot up.

"Uh…24?" Rogerick shook his head.

"Wrong. PANCREAS CRUSH!" Naruto's pancreas imploded. "Next question: LEE, STATE THE PATHAGOREAN THEORY!"

"A squared plus B squared equals C squared!" exclaimed Lee. Rogerick nodded.

"Correct, but…EYEBROW CRUSH!" Lee's eyebrows caught on fire and fell off.

"OMFG!" yelled Lee as he fainted from shock. Rogerick chuckled.

"Hey, teacher, leave them kids alone!" sang a random voice. Rogerick look around and saw…

"Neji?!?" he exclaimed in disbelieve.

"Yes. Thankfully, Kiba never buried my body, allowing my soul to still walk the earth. Now I shall get my revenge!" Neji's ghost rushed Rogerick. Rogerick smiled.

"Fool. You may be an angel, but I am a God. GHOST CRUSH!" Neji looked dumbfounded, then exploded. Ectoplasm splattered everywhere.

"Great," muttered Rogerick. "I need to clean now. Class dismissed."

* * *

PERIOD 4

* * *

After being insulted by DC, mentally scared by Lance's romantic interest, and supernaturally assaulted by Rogerick, the Naruto gang was quite scarred of what fourth period had in store. They were quite surprised by Marilyn.

"Hello!" she greeted happily. "I'm DC's preppy/feminine personality, Marilyn. I'm teaching Earth Science. Please take your seats!" The class did. "Good. Now, who wants cupcakes?" Marilyn magically produced cupcakes from nowhere. Sasuke stood hesitantly, then took and ate one. Suddenly his mouth exploded…

…

…

…

…

…with a fantastic flavor sensation!

"Good golly!" he exclaimed. "These are better than the ones I make!" Soon everyone was chowing down on the cupcakes.

"So, I figured we should play a 'Getting to Know You Game'," said Marilyn. "I'll start by telling a little of my life and a secret I have. Ahem, most of my existence is null and void. In reality, DC rarely shows his feminine side, so I'm usually locked in some far back corner of his mind. The other personalities are too busy being shown to really talk to me, and when they're not they don't talk to me anyway." The girls (and Shino) were on the verge of tears. "But on a brighter note: when I'm by myself I, well, the real DC likes to sing 'Hips Don't Lie' karaoke." The class burst out laughing. "Now it's…Sasuke's turn!" Sasuke stood up.

"Well," began Sasuke. "I like to wear a miniskirt and cos-play as Kagome from 'Inuyasha'." Silence.

"I eat rocks!" exclaimed Kiba.

"I'm Jewish!" said Shino. Choji's eyes snapped up.

"Really?" asked Choji. "Because I'm secretly a Nazi!" Choji pulled out an AK and shot up the ceiling.

"Sigh. Violence," said Marilyn. She pointed at Choji. "DESCENT INTO HELL!" A group of shadowy hands appeared and grabbed Choji. He screamed as he was dragged into the depths. The class stared. Marilyn shrugged. "Oh, he'll be back by dinner. Class dismissed."

* * *

EVENING BREAK

* * *

Shino lay in his bed awake.

"Wow, I was almost killed twice today," he thought to himself. "I'm beginning to think DC doesn't like Jewish people."

"Oh, I have lots of Jew friends," said DC materializing in the wardrobe mirror. "I just like making fun of them."

Ino sat in her room thinking of the events of that day: Sakura's love life, the near death of Shino, Rogerick's violent tendencies, Marilyn's kindness, and DC's…DC-ness. But the thing she couldn't shake was her memory of Shikamaru's statement in Health Class.

"Pretty…smart…kind…" she replayed in her head. "Does he really think that?" With a troubled mind, Ino fell asleep.

* * *

EPILOUGE

* * *

1) After the destruction of Neji's soul, Kiba, like a good friend, buried his body out back. Above it was a marker that read: Neji…True friend who died oddly.

2) Sakura and Lance were not seen the entire day after the second class. However, his door was locked and it sounded like something was going on behind it…

3) DC gave Rogerick a good stern talking to about using his powers, but then stopped when Rogerick performed a Scythe Crush.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

I'm running out of funny jokes! And no, I'm not a Jew hater/Nazi lover: I just have a morbid sense of humor! Next chapter: High School Hell and Ridiculous Romance! REVIEW (and stay tuned…)!


	16. GENERIC CHAPTER TITLE

DC: Guess what? I'm not dead! Sorry about not updating in approximately forever. Contrary to popular belief I do have a life. So…on with the chaos of High School!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DAY THE FOURTH, PERIOD 1

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Rock Lee: Wait! What about Day 3? I mean, Sasuke and Naruto…

DC: I know.

Rock Lee: And Lance and Sakura with the handcuffs…

DC: My mind still burns.

Rock Lee: And Panic! At The Disco appearing…

Rogerick: Look, do I need to scar you again?

Rock Lee: …no.

Rogerick: Good. Maybe if you shut up, they won't notice.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

After the madcap insanity of Day 3, the Ninja were less than thrilled of having a Day 4. I mean, who likes Panic! At The Disco anyway? Begrudgingly, they entered the English room.

"Top of the morning!" greeted DC. "As you will probably be excited to know, the end of the school year is fast approaching." The class cheered.

"But wait!" exclaimed Shino. "Being a Jew I have to ask this. Didn't we only have 3 days…?"

"Four days," corrected DC.

"Yes, four days of school? What kind of year is that?" DC sighed.

"Even I, an Author, greatest of all, cannot fight the force that is… the Board of Education!"

* * *

A random plant combust at the mention of such evil.

* * *

"Anyway, some news: We have a new student."

"Wait!" exclaimed Choji. "Being a Nazi, I have to ask this. Isn't everyone in Konoha already here?" DC paused.

"…Anyway, we have a new student. Please welcome… Onurah Arukas!"

"GASP!!!" exclaim the reader (you) and the class as Onurah Arukas entered the room.

"Wait!" exclaimed Sakura. "Being a whiny prick who adds nothing to the plot, I have to ask this. Wasn't she supposed to be me in disguise?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Sasuke leaping to his feet. "She's WAY sexier and plot supporting than you'll ever be."

"Cough Shippuuden Spoiler Cough," muttered DC loudly. Sasuke took Onurah in his arms and kissed her.

"Well, despite this gigantic plot hole that the Author created for the sake of posting SOMETHING in the next year, there's one more thing." DC paused. "On the last day of school there will be a Prom-type dance party in the gym."

"Sweet, a dance," thought Ino to herself. "I can use this to see if Shikamaru likes me. If he asks me to the dance, then it's a yes!"

"Oh, and it's going to be Sadie Hawkins style." The bell rang. "Adios, juevos rancheros!"

"…crap."

* * *

PERIOD 2

* * *

The gang piled into the Health room. Lance stood in the front reading "Excel Saga".

"Hello, class," he said in monotone. "Since the curriculum says I have to teach about where babies come from, I'm going to give you a free day."

"But, why?" asked Naruto.

"Sigh. Because this is the 21st Century, Naruto. Pretty much if you don't know by now that babies come from when a man sticks his…"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DC: LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA! Okay, we're good.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"Then the woman sits on a bed and pushes…"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DC: …sorry. Ok, now.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"…then you're just SOL." Lance picked up his book as Naruto sat mouth agape. The rest of the class started talking.

"So, Ino-pig," asked Sakura. "Who are you asking to the dance?" Ino shook her head.

"Not telling."

"Oh, come on. I'm asking out Sasuke." Silence.

"Uh, Sakura," said Ino. "He's kind of making out with the new chick." Sakura frowned and sank into a hole in reality created by her own worthlessness. Ino sat in thought. "_Maybe I should just walk up to him and…no. That won't work. Man, I wish DC was better at writing romances, and then maybe I could actually make this subplot interesting._" At length, the bell rang.

* * *

LUNCH

* * *

The ninja ate lunch. Ino sat by herself and contemplated Shikamaru's smexy. Sasuke and Onurah made out.

…what more can I say?

* * *

PERIOD 3

* * *

The students quietly filed into the Math room. Rogerick stood, glaring.

"'Ello, poppet," he greeted menacingly. "It's time for a Sudden Death Algebra Smack-Down of Perpetual Agony and Woe."

"Is that a technical term?" asked Kiba stupidly. Rogerick's glare intensified.

"You'll get yours. Anyway, the rules are simple. I ask a question. You get it wrong, you suffer. Any questions?" Naruto raised his hand.

"Can I…?"

"WRONG ANSWER!" Naruto's left eye ruptured.

"Um…ow."

"Now, for the math. Ten-Ten, what's the square root of pi?"

"Uh…42?" said Ten-Ten.

"No." Ten-Ten's hair imploded. "Now. Choji, what's the capital of Zimbabwe?"

"But this is math class!" pleaded the Nazi.

"Don't care." Choji mutated into George W. Bush.

"When I chose my Secretary for the Department of Education, I wanted someone who knew about education,' rambled the Choji-Bush.

"Tee hee, this is fun," muttered Rogerick coldly. "Now, Ino, your turn…"

"_No_!" exclaimed Ino in her head.

"So…what is the air velocity of an unladed swallow?" asked Rogerick perversely (A/N: I'm running out of evil-sounding adjectives!)

"Uh…I think…" stammered Ino.

"WAIT!" exclaimed Shikamaru as he stood. The room gasped…and so did the people in it. "An African or European swallow?"

"…uh…" said Rogerick. "I don't know." Suddenly Rogerick's limbs fell off.

"Jesus Christ!" exclaimed Hinata.

"Superstar!" chimed everyone else.

"Does that hurt?" Rogerick shook his head.

"Nope. 'Tis only a flesh wound." The bell rang. "Come back!" he exclaimed as Shikamaru walked by. "I'll bite your legs off!"

* * *

PERIOD 4

* * *

The gang took their seats in Marilyn's class.

"What up, peeps?" greeted Marilyn. "Today in class we're going to…"

"Wait!" exclaimed Ino standing up.

"What is it?" asked Marilyn.

"Uh, I just wanted to say…" Ino walked over to Shikamaru. "Shika, will you go to the dance with me?"

"UBER-GASP!" exclaimed DC appearing from the pencil sharpener. "Who saw this coming?" Everyone raised their hands. "Oh…"

"So, will you?" asked Ino. Shikamaru stood in silence.

"…"

"Will you?" asked DC.

"…"

"Will you?!?" asked Shino.

"…"

"ANSWER ALREADY!!!!!!" exclaimed the students. Shikamaru bolted upright.

"Uh…sorry. I fell asleep." Shikamaru stood. "Sure I will."

"UBER-YEA!!!" exclaimed the class. Suddenly, a random wall exploded and the Third Hokage appeared.

"Oh, crap," muttered DC.

"That's right, sucka!" exclaimed the Hokage. "You can't disrespect my authority!"

"Wait!" interjected Marilyn. "Being the feminine side of a psychotic Author, I have to ask this. Where did DC send you?"

"He sent me to Hell on Earth," began the Hokage. "A desolate place where mankind is a rumor and chaos reigns."

"You mean…"

"Yes. WISCONSIN!!!"

"Jesus Christ!" exclaimed Marilyn.

"Superstar!"

"Shut up!"

"Now DC," said the Hokage. "Surrender or face my wrath!" DC stood in thought.

"Kay. I surrender. Personality Return No Jutsu!" DC's personalities returned to his mind. "Well, I guess there won't be a dance. Tootles!" DC grabbed his scythe from the refrigerator and skipped merrily away. The Hokage stood stunned.

"…wait. Did he just leave!?!?!?!"

"I guess," said Rock Lee.

"So…" began Ino. "This subplot is over?"

"Presumably," said Gaara.

"Wait! What are you doing here?" asked Naruto. Gaara shrugged.

"Cameo, most likely." The group sighed.

"Well, I'm off," said Kabuto. "Chow!"

"Come, Ino," said Shikamaru. "We have some catching up to do." Ino giggled with mirth as the two left. The group began to dwindle until the school was empty. Suddenly, a random cabinet opened and My Chemical Romance stepped out.

"Aren't we supposed to play at some dance today?" asked Gerard Way. The rest of the band shrugged. "Oh well. Let's play!"

---

Have you heard the news that you're dead?  
No one ever had much nice to say  
I think they never liked you anyway  
Oh take me from the hospital bed  
Wouldn't it be grand? It ain't exactly what you planned.  
And wouldn't it be great If we were dead?  
Ohh dead.

Tongue-tied and oh so squeamish  
You never fell in love  
Did you get what you deserve?  
The ending of your life  
And if you get to heaven  
I'll be here waiting, babe  
Did you get what you deserve?  
The end, and if your life won't wait  
Then your heart can't take this

Have you heard the news that you're dead?  
No one ever had much nice to say  
I think they never liked you anyway  
Oh take me from the hospital bed  
Wouldn't it be grand to take a pistol by the hand?  
And wouldn't it be great if we were dead?

And in my honest observation  
During this operation  
Found a complication in your heart  
So long, 'Cause now you've got (now you've got)  
Maybe just two weeks to live  
Is that the most the both of you can give?

One, two, one two three four!

_---_

xxxxxxxxxxxx

…yes. Two months and this is all I got. Take it or leave it. Next chapter: …uh…SMOKE BOMB! (runs away)

Random Guy #2: Um…review and stay tuned, please!


	17. The Night Sasuke Went Crazy

DC: Yo guys. For the sake of typing SOMETHING for OTIK here's a song parody.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

"The Night Sasuke Went Crazy": Parody of "The Night Santa Went Crazy" by Weird Al.

_Down in Konoha, Team 7 was training_

_It was one of those days you wish it were raining_

_When Sasuke appeared, nearly scared them half to death_

_With a __zanbatō in his hand, and cheap sake on his breath_

_From his head to his feet he was covered in shuriken_

_And kunai enough to kill an army of men_

_And he smiled as he said, with Sharingan in his eye:_

"_No more saving the village, cause you're all gonna die!"_

_-_

_The night Sasuke went crazy_

_The night Sasuke went insane_

_Realized he'd been getting some bad press_

_Something finally must have snapped in his brain_

_-_

_Well the village is gone now, as are all the trees_

_Everywhere you'll find pieces of Tenten and Rock Lee_

_And he tied up his teammates and he held them all hostage_

_And he ground up Hinata into Hyuga sausage _

_He got Choji and Kiba with a Lightning-Fist jutsu_

_And he beat down Asuma with some mighty Taijutsu_

_And he took a paper bomb and blew up Akamaru_

_He took a big bite and said "Taste just like beef stew"._

_-_

_The night Sasuke went crazy_

_The night Uchiha went nuts_

_Now you can hardly walk around Fire Country_

_Without stepping in Hidden Leaf guts_

_-_

_There's the ANBU black ops and Orochimaru_

_Reinforcements from Suna and Akatsuki too_

_And the kunai are flying the body counts rising_

_And everyone's dying to know: Oh, Sasuke, why?_

_My my my my my my_

_You freakin angst-ridden emo guy._

_-_

_Yes now fangirls ol' Sasuke's doing time_

_In a high security prison for his infamous crime_

_Now honored readers don't you cry anymore tears_

_He'll be out for good behavior in 600 more years!_

_But now Gaara's in therapy, and Kakashi's still nervous_

_And Team 7 got jobs working for the postal service_

_And Tsunade, she's with her crystal ball every night_

_With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights_

_-_

_They're talking about the night Sasuke went crazy_

_The night that emo kid flipped_

_Broke his back for some screen time in Shippuudden_

_Sounds to me like he was tired of getting gypped_

_-_

_Oh, the night Sasuke went crazy_

_The night Sasuke went insane_

_Realized he'd been getting some bad press_

_Something finally must have snapped in his brain!_

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Yep. Time consuming and cheesy. Just like Al Gore's "Global Warming" spiels. Next chapter: The infamous BOY-GIRL BEACH TRIP OF DOOM!!! and maybe…Mormonism? REVIEW (and stay tuned)!


	18. Of Beach Trips and Mormonism

DC: What up, homies? Yeah. It's time for the beach trip saga. Um…that's about it.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DC: Oh, one more thing. The views expressed by me concerning Mormonism are for entertainment purposes only. Just because I'm Mormon doesn't mean you can judge us based on what I say. Kay? Good.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DC: Oh. And I like apples.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

It was a beautiful day in the Hidden Mist Village. But who cares about those losers?

Back in Konoha, Team 7 had assembled for their daily training.

"Sigh, Kakashi's late again," muttered Sasuke. "I wonder where he is."

* * *

Meanwhile, thousands of inches away…

* * *

Kakashi was sitting on his couch reading his porno…I mean wholesome romance novel. 

"Good thing I don't have to teach those kids today," said the Shinobi. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Surprised, Kakashi answered it. On his doorstep were two of the oddest ninja he'd ever seen. Instead of awesome stealth gear they wore formal Sunday clothes, and their forehead protectors bore a silhouette of a man playing a trumpet.

"Hello good sir," said the taller one. "My companion and I represent the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Would you mind if we came in and shared the gospel with you?" Having never seen people like this, Kakashi was flabbergasted.

"Um…sure…" he said uncertainly. The ninja entered the house and took a seat on the couch. "So…" began Kakashi. "What exactly is this church?" The two ninja smiled.

"I'm glad you asked," they said. And so, for the next 30 minutes, the two missionaries, for that's what they were, told Kakashi of the First Vision, the Book of Mormon, and other such lessons. Through this, Kakashi felt something. Some how, he _knew _that there two men were true. He was inspired. At length they began to talk about the standards of the Church.

"We have been instructed by the prophet not to drink tea, coffee, or other such beverages," continued the missionaries. "Also, not to smoke, drink alcohol, partake of pornography, or…"

"Wait!" interjected Kakashi. "What was that last bit?"

"Oh, we don't watch pornography or…"

"No…pornography…?" asked Kakashi somewhat sharply.

"Yes sir. No…"

"No…PORNOGRAPHY!!!" roared Kakashi standing.

"Um…sir…"

"BE GONE, THOU BLASPHAMERS!!!" exclaimed Kakashi as he summoned a Chidori. The two wailed in terror and fled the house with Kakashi hot on their heels.

* * *

"Probably doing something more interesting then this," said Naruto. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Guys, I have a plan!" Sakura turned to look at him. 

"What is it?" she asked. Naruto grinned.

* * *

"I can't believe I agreed to this," muttered Sasuke. After much begging, pleading, whining, bribery, and other such manners of persuasion, Naruto had convinced all the ninja of Konoha (and Suna) that they should have a beach trip. The gang changed into swim suits, gathered what they wanted to bring, and walked a good 20 miles to the nearest coastline. 

"So…what now?" asked Hinata confused. Naruto thought (gasp!).

"BEACH VOLLEYBALL!" The ninja split evenly into two teams. Naruto, Hinata, Shino, Kiba Temari, and Tenten against Sasuke, Kankuro, Rock Lee, Neji, Choji, and Ino. Sakura watched along with Gaara, seeing how they who control Gaara control the beach volleyball (literally). Naruto got up to serve. As the ball soared over the net, Sasuke activated his Sharingan and countered it. This continued for about 20 minutes until everyone was sick of it.

"This sucks," said Choji. "I'm gonna, like, get some nachos." Choji ambled away.

"What now?" wondered Neji aloud.

"Well, we are at a beach," pointed out Rock Lee. "Swimming!" Everyone minus Gaara (because he can't swim) and Temari (to keep Gaara company) jumped in the water, discovered it was radioactive, and died on the spot. Temari sighed. She secretly hoped this would be like all other beach trip stories that involved a cheesy romantic plot.

"Did someone say 'impromptu cameo'?" asked DC as he approached clad in a black kimono. He stopped and eyed Temari. "Why, hello my dear," he greeted suavely. Temari shrugged.

"Want to be my beach date?" she asked suddenly. The question caught DC completely off guard…well, not really, seeing as he had written it.

"Indeed," replied DC taking Temari's hand. The two walked away leaving Gaara building a life-size sand castle as Choji ate nachos.

* * *

After walking a bit, DC and Temari stopped and watched the sunset. 

"Wow. Why haven't you done this 16 chapters ago?" asked Temari. DC shrugged.

"I prefer a challenge." Temari giggled very out of character, grabbed his head and kissed him. Suddenly, with the power of Mormon-Standard time, the two missionaries came running up the beach.

"Brother Chaos!" called one of them. DC and Temari disengaged.

"Aw, crap," muttered DC. "I knew this joke would come back to get me. Tootles!" DC spun on his heel and ran away, followed by the two missionaries and Kakashi with death in his eyes.

"BLASPHAMERS!!!"

xxxxxxxxxxxx

…officially worst chapter ever, I know. I'm feeling very uninspired as of late. Thanks to Aki-chan for the plot…or lack thereof.

Naruto: Wait! Aren't you forgetting something?

DC: …oh yeah! Ladies and gentleman, the 100th review goes to…

K: Me, Kittyloveskatten!

DC: Indeed. Please except your reward…

(Drum roll)

DC: A guest star appearance in this chapter!

All: (applaud)

K: But isn't this chapter over already?

DC: Well, I guess you're right. Remember readers…

REVIEW (and stay tuned)!!!


	19. The Chaos Letter or This Story's Fate!

Dear Honored Readers,

As you can well see, my mind is simply not up to the task of coming up with anymore plotlines.

This is a problem.

However, I have found a solution. I am inviting any and all Authors out there to submit the next chapter of Odd Times In Konoha! Here are some rules that no ones going to adhere to:

1) No maximum or minimum legnth.

2) Only 1-2 swears max please. Remember: I'm Mormon!

3) Rating T or lower.

4) Only Author appearences allowed. Please no OC's.

5) At least one political/religious joke

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, you have your charge. Now GO!!!

Sincerley,

DynamicChaos


	20. 20th Chapteversery!

DC: Guess what? I found the next chapter! This was graciously donated to me by ForgottenInShadows probably a month or two...or three ago. Sorry it's been so long. Anyway, on with the story.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

DynamicChaos is not liable for any injuries, spazzes, concussions, head explosions, or Anthrax infections caused by this chapter.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

FIS: Hi, I wrote out my chapter suggestion thing. The ending might be a little lame, and there's this one part with French and I don't know if it's spelled correctly. Oh well, hope you like it:

* * *

All of Team 7 was sitting at Ichiraku Ramen bar, bored out of their minds. 

Naruto wasn't of course, because Ichiraku was like, his happy place. No one's ever bored in their happy place. Now, dear readers, you must be asking,

"Why were they bored out of their minds?" Well, I'll tell you why! For one, they have small little minds, so it's easy for them to be bored out of them.

Also, they had nothing to do.

For that day, Tsunade hadn't given them a mission. Also, Kakashi had actually arrived on time that day, which shocked the 3 genin so much, they had to take Sakura to urgent care. The doctors said she was fine (sort of) so they let her go. Kakashi was as shocked as the rest of them. Apparently, he had forgotten to switch his clock forward one hour for day light savings time. Therefore, his record of lateness was ruined and he was depressed.

But the main reason was I made it that way. If they weren't bored, then this story wouldn't work. If it didn't work, it wouldn't be funny. So there.

"Isn't there anything to do today?" Sakura whined to her sensei.

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow.

"You know Sakura," he said in monotone, "I'd expect you to jump for joy at a day off. Usually it's Naruto who complains about no missions."

"Well, I'm bored!" Sakura complained, "It's like there's something in the air today. Don't you think so Sasuke-kun!?" she exclaimed while turning towards her reason to live.

"Hn." And of course, Sasuke replied with his oh-so-sophisticated vocabulary. Luckily, I just so happen to own a Sasuke-to-English dictionary! So lets see here [pause for turning of pages Ah, here it is. This particular

"Hn" means either "I could care less so why don't you just leave me alone so I can glare at a wall" or "you're about to be mauled by a ferret."

I'm guessing it's the first one.

Just then, the author decided that the plot needed some help. So, I strategically inserted myself into the story.

"HELLO NINJA PEOPLE!" some random girl shouted as she appeared in a poof of smoke. Three out of the four ninja at the bar looked up in surprise.

The other one just kept eating.

Said random girl was slightly taller than the genin, but only by an inch or two. She had ridiculously long brown hair, and was grinning ear to ear.

"I'm here to save the plot!" she said happily. Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi all raised an eyebrow…AT THE SAME TIME! It was a little spooky.

"Who the heck are you?" Sakura asked, "And what do you mean by 'save the plot'"

The girl then smacked her forehead, "Of course! Where are my manners, I didn't introduce myself now did I?"

The ninja shook their heads.

"My name is Fis!" Fis exclaimed, "And I'm the author of this chapter."

"What happened to DC?" Kakashi asked confused, ignoring Old man Ichiraku who had screamed "Not another one!" and fled for his life. Fis raised an eyebrow.

"You know," she began, "I don't remember you actually meeting

DC."

"Yes I did," Kakashi interrupted, "It was in chapter 6, you know, the one with the cheesy dueling sequence?"

"Oh yeah!" Fis said, "Well anyway, DC ran off with Temari, so I'm filling in for this chapter."

Sasuke finally decided to join the conversation, "Isn't DC Mormon?"

"I did say he ran off didn't I?" None of the ninja responded, "Anywho, I'm here because I figured that I should salvage this plot."

"Is there a plot?" Sakura asked.

"Yes, yes there is," Fis said nodding her head. "But unfortunately it broke."

"Plots can't break," Sasuke interjected.

Fis put her hands on her hips. "They can when they've been over used by thousands of fangirls!"

"Hn," Sasuke responded. This particular "Hn" means "You were going to use a plot that's been over used by thousands of fangirls?" The ninja waited for a response as Fis flipped through her dictionary trying to figure out what Sasuke had said.

Finally, Fis found the correct translation, "Yes I was. It was going to be something about you all switching bodies and having to find a way back to normal. BUT, like I said, that plot broke. So, that leads us to this moment."

Naruto then decided to come up for air. Lord knows how he went all that time without breathing anything but ramen. He looked up at the girl his friends and sensei were talking to.

"Who are you?" he asked. Fis then smacked him with a flounder.

"Weren't you listening to that at all!?" she shouted at him. Naruto shook his head. Sighing, Fis turned back to the other members of the team.

"Back to what I was saying, I decided to go with another plot that is slightly less used then the switching bodies one."

"You mean the one where Naruto turns out to actually be super smart but is hiding it?" Kakashi questioned. Fis shook her head.

"Nope, it's the one where two people are chained together for one reason or another." Sakura's eyes lit up.

"Do you mean me and Sasuke-kun!?" she shrieked at Fis. Sasuke glared at them.

"If I'm chained to anyone, I'm biting my arm off." Sasuke paused, "Then I'm killing you in your sleep." He added as an after thought to Fis.

Fis smiled, "Well, I am a fan of SasuSaku, but I figured that I'd just chain everyone to someone else at random."

"Why?" Naruto asked. He was very confused, but then again, he usually is. You think he'd be used to it by now.

"A few reasons," Fis explained, "a) I usually write comedy, and to me that seems pretty funny, b) I figured it would be funny to make fun of an over used plot, and c) I've got nothing better to do."

This comment was received with blank stairs. Fis was smiling. You know, that creepy "I'm-going-to-kill-you-when-your-back-is-turned" smile of a deranged person. Except Fis is not deranged, she is simply misguided.

"Okay then!" Fis shouted, "Now for the handcuffs!" she then did multiple hand signs and shouted, "Handcuffs of DOOM no Jutsu!" There was a large poof of smoke.

As soon as the smoke cleared, every one was shocked to see who they had been cuffed to.

Sakura was upset because she was cuffed to Naruto and not Sasuke.

Naruto was upset he was cuffed to Sakura and not Hinata, even though Hinata wasn't even there.

Sasuke was upset because he was cuffed to his bar stool.

Kakashi was cuffed to Fis, and was alright with it because it lowered his chances of being forced into a pairing.

Fis was just surprised that she got cuffed to someone at all.

"Well," she began, "This is odd." Kakashi looked over at her.

"Are you going to force me into a pairing with you?" he asked worried.

Fis raised her eyebrow, "Are you a pedophile?" Kakashi shook his head,

"Then no."

"Hello!" Sasuke shouted. "Why the crap did you chain me to a barstool!?" He was struggling against the chain, trying to pull up the barstool, and squirming at the same time. It was rather funny to watch.

"Be happy Sasuke," Naruto said with a smile. "You didn't get chained to anyone, so you don't have to bite your arm off."

Sasuke immediately stopped struggling and sat on the ground with a thump, "Hn."

Before Fis had a chance to pull out her dictionary and figure out what he said, she was pulled off balance by Kakashi who was making his way away from Ichiraku.

"You kids have fun now!" he said while doing his weird eye-smile thing. Fis struggled to catch up.

"Where we going Kakashi?" Fis asked as she was pretty much dragged away.

Kakashi looked over at her, "I don't know, some place where we can get this handcuff removed?"

Fis pouted, "Aw, but I wanted to get ice cream!"

Kakashi frowned. We couldn't see it of course. "I'm not buying you ice cream."

"Fine," Fis said, "Then I'll just sing. In French. Lundie meton, sefrare, safan. A la putie prancu, sonvenuse mah every body now!"

"Fine!" Kakashi said, "I'll get you ice cream!" Fis then did a little happy dance. The two make their way over to an ice cream parlor. Kakashi bought pistachio, and Fis got rainbow sherbet with marshmallows and gummy bears.

"Are you happy now?" Kakashi asked. Fis nodded.

"Yup, so I'm gonna go check on Naruto and Sakura now."

Kakashi frowned. "But I don't want to."

Fis shrugged. "I don't care, you stay here then."

"But what about the handcuffs?" Fis then did her creepy demented smile again.

"I am the author aren't I? I'll just get rid of it." Fis then used her awesome author powers to get rid of the handcuffs. She then skipped off to find the previously mentioned genin.

* * *

Fis found Sakura sitting on a park bench doing nothing in particular. 

"Hey Sakura," Fis said. "Where's Naruto?" Sakura looked up at her.

"Naruto made a clone and I did the replacement jutsu with it. Then he poofed it away."

"Oh." Fis said. After a very long and slightly awkward pause, Fis asked, "Then where'd he go?"

"He ran off saying something about how Hinata would like a pair of handcuffs." she paused. "What do you think he was talking about?"

"I'll tell you when you're 20," Fis said as she looked down at her watch. "Crap, it's time for me to leave." She turned to Sakura and waved as she dramatically poofed away.

* * *

"Hello?!" Sasuke shouted, "Is anyone there? I'm still handcuffed to this stupid barstool!!" 

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Thank you ForgottenInShadows for your gracious contribution. I hope you all enjoyed this 20th Chapte-versery


End file.
